Monday, April 23, 2007

A long pending hello...

(This post is written by Sunita of 'Sunita's World')

Considering that I was one of the first to sign up and join this club, Its a bit of an embarrasment to be so late in introducing myself. Sorry Sandeepa...but then, better late than never...

I'm Sunita and I live in Kesgrave, a small town in the south east of England, with hubby Dinesh and two adorable kids - Rengoni (5.8 yrs) and Agastya (4.8 yrs). For the last three years, I've been a stay at home mother, trying to give them a kick start in life. My hands have been more than full with the kids, neck to neck.

When I look back at their early years, I still feel a bit chaffed!! Those were really tough times. When I was five months pregnant with my first child, we moved from our hometown (Guwahati in Assam) to Kolkata-a new place, new people, new language, and most of all expecting a new born. I had resigned my job as a lecturer, because I did not feel we would have enough of family life with both of us in different places. But, along the way we made some really good friends, I learnt the language and it was fine. I had a very easy pregnancy with Rengoni. Apart from the extra weight that I had to tag along and the fact that the dresses no longer fit, I didn't feel any different. As I didn't believe in superstitious customs, didn't overfeed myself, I was relatively healthy. Just before the delivery, we brought my ma over...both my father and mother in law were no more. Finally, when Rengoni was born, she came as a beacon of light...that's why she was so called...'Rengoni' means 'a ray of light' in Assamese. We all loved her...she was a happy and bouncy child. Ma decided that she would stay for a few more months.

Rengoni was born in August, and by November, I was expecting another child...at that time we were in a dilemma...I still remember the worried look on my mother's face. I can still hear my elder sister calling up every now and then gently hinting at the repercussions that two deliveries so close to one another might have on my health ( the first was a cesarean section)

Dinesh and I consulted the doctor...a very nice man...Dr. R.S. Roy, with whom we are in touch even now. He was introduced to us by a surgeon, Dr. Mukherjee, who was a family friend of ours and a very good friend of Dr. Roy. I can still clearly remember what he said...he did not keep us under any false notions and said that if we decided to go on with the pregnancy, I will have the joy of seeing the two kids growing up together...on the negative side, my womb might burst. Actually I did not need the c. section for my first pregnancy. We were new to the place and unknowingly had fallen into the hands of a quack... But this time I felt safe with this gentle, soft-spoken doctor. I think his first prospect sounded more tempting and I made up my mind to go along. Dinesh was a bit apprehensive but in the end he gave in.

The first four months went by in a mix of the sweet and the sour...I was not able to be as active as I was with the first...As there was no one else I could call for help... Ma decided to give a hand and stay on till I delivered.

From the fifth month, the real trouble started. I had bouts of breathlessness and over the next four months, I had to be hospitalised for three times. At home, an oxygen cylinder had to be kept ready at all times. It was a chore to walk a little distance. And for me, to be so dependent was the worst thing. We literally had to count the days. At such times I couldn't believe that some day I would be writing about all that. Throughout these horrific times, Dinesh had always been there...a tower of strength...if he felt the nerves, he surely didn't show it. In fact once during my hospitalisation before the delivery, he went for a walk and his eyes fell on a small statue of the laughing buddha. He told me later that he felt a renewed strength after buying it ...and now, even when we are so far from that place, that statue of the laughing buddha is still with us as a reminder and also as a lucky charm. Ma was a great help...although we had domestic help, it was she who saw to it that everything in the household was running smoothly.Throughout Dr Roy was always there, at any time of the day or night. I once had an attack and Dinesh was at a meetin g where he had to turn off his cellphone...It was Dr. Roy along with Dr. Mukherjee, who took me to the nursing home. How can I ever forget them...

Agastya was also born in August, a week before Rengoni's first birthday, through anothetr c. section. When he was four months old, we again had to move to a new place...Gurgaon and after two months, Dinesh came over to the UK for six months. We decided that I would stay on with the kids. This time the hardship was of a different kind-raising two kids a year apart...the food was different...the patterns were different...although I tried my best to make them sleep at the same time. The days and nights flew by like a whirlwind. The six months were over,and Dinesh was back to a sort of shy Rengoni and a much grown Agastya...he had learnt to walk by this time.

Over the next eight months , Dinesh had to come to the UK again. But, on his third trip, we accompanied him and have been together since. The kids have grown a great deal...Rengoni is in year 1 and Agastya has started full time from today in Reception. In all earnesty, I think the quiet house is getting to me. For the last more than 5 and 1/2 years I've rarely stayed alone for the whole day...But then the kids really grow quickly...those early days of hardship are now over...although raising kids is never without new challenges...now, I've to ready myself to field Rengoni's 'questions' and Agastya will follow soon. Everyday, they too are faced with new challenges, and are reaching milestones. Just yesterday, they were successful in their first attempt at riding their bikes without stabilisers. It gives a sense of joy and pride to see them glowing at their accomplishments. I want to be there for them and give them the guiding hand whenever they need it, sharing their joys and disappointments.

When the announcement for this blog was made, I jumped at the opportunity to be able to share with and relate to other wonderful mums out there...yes, I've been reading every post and I must commend each one of you. Sandeepa, this club rocks!!! I just hope, I'll be able to keep up regularly...a little more time now.

10 comments:

Tharini said...

Wow. What a story. I am saying this in all awe and respect. I cannot imagine how difficult those early years must have been. Its so easu to fit that experience into just a few words and a few lines, but what you must have undergone, only you know. I just had my second child, age 3 months now, and even at THIS point, I feel like I am going crazy with my 2 kids.

Rengoni and Agastya are such beautiful names....I can already sense thier friendship thru the undercurrents in your post.

Lovely to have u on board.

Asha said...

Hi Sunita,
so good to read about you and your life!I am happy that you are settled now and enjoying, although first few yrs are always tough to adjust.When you think of all that now,it does feel like it's somebody else's life,isn't it? Before you know,kids will be in college!!:D

My husband and his brother are 9mnts apart too just like your kids!:)
Hope to see you again here very soon.Hugs to you.

Sandeepa said...

Sunita
Lovely to read your post. Now that A & R are grown up don't those days of difficulty just seem abreeze.
I had a very difficult first pregnancy with 4 months straight in the hospital and no getting up from bed for anything. Both my Ma and Ma-in-law were a great support during those days. Both of them were here to tide us through the difficult times.
There was a lot of tension etc. associated with the condition but now that both me & D , look back we seem to have forgotten the difficult part and all we feel is happiness that finally little S was born

sunita said...

@Tharini-Yes, words and sentences are indeed inadequate to express those days. But, now, looking at both of them, I feel blest that they have come into our lives. And yes, they are gradually turning out to be good friends as well.

@Asha- Yes, it does feel like somebody else's life.And omg, don't they grow fast...

@Sandeepa-Isn't it nice to have someone to help you sail through those hard times... and in the end,the reward is good enough for all those difficulties.

ramya said...

hai,
nice introduction.me and my brother r have 1 yr difference with our birthdays nov29 and dec1.though i lived with my granny after my brother came.its very tough to manage two with 1 yr difference.i juggle hard with my only daughter.yha ur doc is correct they grow up together like me and my brother till i was married went to same school,college, like twins although in different classes.it feels good.
and welcome to desimomz club.

Dee said...

Wow...amazing story! You are one strong woman. Looking for more articles from your experiences :)
-Dee

sunita said...

Ramya...nice to know about you and your brother, maybe you'll be able to answer a lot of my questions...yes, even I'm asked a number of times if my kids are twins...

Dee,circumstances make anyone strong...when you know that you've got to get a thing done, and there's no one else to turn to, you've got to roll up your sleeves and get that done...there's no other way out...and every time you do so, you emerge all the more stronger.

Kay said...

Phew! What a journey! And What beautiful names, for your kids.

Welcome to DMC! :)

sunita said...

Kay, haven't reached the end of the journey yet...in fact, it is endless, isn't it...thanks...

Anita Gopi said...

Hi Sunita,

Wow...An incredible person. I can imagine...I am so tired juggling around the activities of my lil one (17 months old).

By the way do you stay in Kesgrave (in Ipswich?). I stay there too...

Luv
Anita