Friday, May 18, 2007

Bedroom LIfe :

Though it is a personal issue, I really need to find a way out of it, as it is affecting me very much.
Tired..Tired..Tired is all I feel when I get back home.I keep stretching my day..playing..grocery shopping.cleaning...the lists goes on..and Shyam isn't a great sleep either..so it becomes even harder.
My husband is himself is overworked and does help me in every possible way.My amma is here, so I have great help as far as cooking is concerned.
Our bedroom life practically has become non-existent..since I am already so tired it hasn't been bothering me till now..But recently I was reading an article in RD about the benefits of sex, especially for men in 30's as it really helps in keeping their heart and body in good working shape. My husband has been patient ..but lately a bit put off.I don't know if it's just exhaustion or else our bodies change after having baby, my drive has been drastically reduced.Have any of you gone through this phase..any suggestions are welcome.

9 comments:

Asha said...

All marriages and sex life goes thru' stages.You are just exhausted,that's all.It is frustrating to cope everything in life even with the help of others.Yes,we all go thru that,so you are not alone.
Well..get the kid to stay at home with mom for a weekend and both of you book a room in the nice settings somewhere near home,have some privacy away from home.That will deftly puts you in the mood.Do not think of home or feel guilty when you are there and concentrate on yourself and hubby.
We all go these periods darling girl,it's even harder with multiple kids.Just get away for a while,you will see how relationship improves:))Good luck.

GettingThereNow said...

I have definitely been through that! And with us (me and J), even "getting away for the weekend" didn't help. I was so stressed out/depresed that I just didn't want sex. Period. It wasn't even because I was always tired - because there had been occasions in the past when I was dead tired but ALWAYS in the mood for a little (or a lot) intimacy :P

I started out by talking to my husband and explaining to him how I felt. Then I started working towards "de-stressing" my life - getting more organized (I needed that, I am not saying you are disorganized like me too :P), putting my priorities in order and learning to relax a little "just for myself". Can't say we are back to "having the hots" for each other :P but all this definitely helped. And I think talking to J about MY problem helped us in that he then understood it wasn't something to do with him or our relationship - it was just that I needed some "time off".

Anonymous said...

I can definitely concur with this. I have two kids and after a day of running around behind them, each of them physically on me and off me all day, chores around the house I am completely exhausted. When my husband and I take the time, i.e go out for romantic date, flirt, come home and then with lots of attention I might be interested but my libido has tanked. After going out with my girlfriends (all mommies), I found out that I was the worst in terms of "putting out" and I got sad thinking about it. I feel bad that I am not at all interested but after a terribly hard pregnancy, delivery and now caretaking I dont feel like it at all. I am commenting anon even though I am member here because I dont blog anon and i dont want to publicly talk about it but its pretty dismal in our household. I think exercising a lot will help me feel better about my own body image which i think is playing into this as well as being exhausted.

I wish I had good tips for you but I think I want to comment that you are not alone, it seems to be a widely known issue and it will take effort on both partners to get back on the saddle. I guess its like anything, practice makes perfect and sometimes I have to push myself to "feel sexy" and go through it to remember how nice it was. I wish it wasnt so hard but I guess thats part of motherhood too.

I am thinking of counseling as well(which i have done before) and the key is to try to spend alone time together which as you already know is hard with the lives we lead!

All the best.

Sandeepa said...

I would say take it easy... don't get worried..ask the hubby to share the work load and let him run around the kid and he will drop off to sleep too :)

Ok that last part was kidding..but don't worry, take it easy. There is a time for everything

joy said...

it happened for me but then v overcame it now stealing all the teeny weeny minutes v get when she is around is all v got at first n then there was the body image problem n my depression for loss of my carreer.
i went to gym worked out lost some weight n it helped me a lot physically n put me in good spirits.i take vit supplements n lots of water...it helps me from getting tired easily.
our intimate moments r usually after a long chat or a drive n the baby sleeps happily
when the baby sleeps less in the day she can sleep better at night
good luck

Saheli said...

I know that feeling too. My usual bedtime is 9 and my husband watches TV and sleeps late. Evening and nighttimes are the worst as far as I am concerned for initimacy. That time is for sleep and sleep only.
I like to cuddle in the mornings, when the kids are still asleep and no one to distrub us. A lot of times we just lay in the bed and not "do" it. I just feel very sexy and wanted and gives me a 'new' energy to go thru the rest of the day.
I think you should take it easy and not stress about it. After the baby, our body does change a lot and so does life. Well, try to get some time for yourself alone. Once you are in good mood, you never know what will come next...

swapna said...

Hi shweta
Now i am also in that phase.I am not working.but i want to have it sometimes but my hubby don't want(may be work exhaustions)sometimes vice versa.sometimes i too tired of work at home and with my kid.i don't know what to do.i also need suggestions on this....:-(

Hi ashaji
going without kid doesn't work with us.do u have any other suggestions?thanku.

Poppins said...

Hey I'm late commenting.. What works for me is to force myself to do it. Sounds 19th Century, but it works. I tried relaxing, talking, gymming and really nothing worked. I was still always tired. I was always waiting for that 'perfect' moment to arrive. And it never did.

So what I did was to force myself into the mood. As it happens, DH is usually the one to initiate and I make it a point to NEVER refuse. You might be gritting your teeth at first but very soon, you'd be surprised as to how soon you also get caught up in the act ! After all it used to be enjoyable once, otherwise you wouldn't have had the babies to show for it.

Obviously sometimes, it doesnt work that way and no matter what I don't feel upto it. Then, I just settle for some cuddling. Very soon DH gets that I am tired and learns to be happy with what I can offer.

In my mind sex is somewhat like blogging. You do it at frequent intervals, sometimes even if you don't have anything earth shattering to contribute. If you stop and you stop for a long time, it is difficult to resume. Hope that makes sense without making me sound like some repressed woman.

Sorry for the long comment !

shweta said...

Hi,
Thanks for your suggestions. I think Just bringing out the topic in front of everyone has helped to clear my mind.I am going to try to relax and also as suggested by Poppins..make it a schedule in my already busy schedule !!!