Note: I posted this on my blog some time back but didn't get the time to post it here until now.
Well, I know that everyone knows that she is here - has been here for over 5 weeks now. But I still can't believe that we finally have a baby that we were so desparate for! I call her my "miracle baby". Not because she was conceived with IVF - it is a fairly common procedure these days. But because I had given up all hope and never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would hold another baby in my arms ever again - unless it was someone else's. After the last IVF cycle, my doctor called me to say he didn't have very high hopes of that cycle succeeding either but not to lose hope. He said if this cycle fails we will meet to discuss further options. Given all this, I didn't have any hopes of getting pregnant with that cycle. When the nurse called me on October 10th with the pregnancy test results, I was expecting her to say "I am sorry, you are not pregnant this time either" like she had 4 times before that. So, when she said "You are pregnant" my response was "You sure???". So you see why this one is my miracle baby?
Baby M was born on Tuesday, June 5th at 1:33 pm. When I heard her first sqawk (I swear that is what she sounded like!) I was overcome with emotions. I first congratulated J, who was right by my side, then I started crying. The anaesthesiologist, who was monitoring me constantly, came and wiped my tears with a tissue. That was the sweetest thing and I forgave him for sticking me with a big scary needle in my spine earlier.
I wish I had the time to write about my birthing experience this time (and the first time too - for that matter) but I really don't. I probably will - have been thinking about it for along time - but not right now. Right now, all I can think of is what I have (and not what I have been through) - two beautiful daughters. The reality that I have two kids now to take care of hasn't sunk in yet.
The little one is an angel - when she is not screaming her head off. Yup! She is a screamer :D All I can say for her screaming abilities is that her lungs are getting stronger each day. When she was born, I immediately noticed that she didn't cry as loud as her big sister did when she was born(Remember? "Sqawk"??). But boy! She has more than tripled her screaming and screeching capacity in these 3 weeks!! Feed her and she sleeps like an angel. If she wants to be fed, dillay-dally at your own risk. It is better to jump to attention and do what Her Highness demands!
Things haven't been easy so far. As it happened the first time, this time around too I am having lactation problems. The day I was discharged from the hospital, Baby M went without pooping for almost 20 hours (3 days, as it later turned out) and without wetting a diaper for over 6 hours. That concerned me and the nurse I called for help said I should start supplementing her with formula after every feed.
So I have to supplement her with formula almost after every feed. And pump milk to increase supply. The pumping is killing me - even a 15 minute session leaves me feeling like someone is sucking blood out of me. My breasts and nipples are so sore and swollen they hurt even if I look at them. Yet, I grit my teeth, curl my toes and shut my eyes tight and put her on the breast every 2 hours even though I feel I couldn't go through it another time. All in the hopes that my milk supply will increase enough so I can stop supplementing her. Oh, how I wish I were one of those women who lactate like a cow! I really, truly wanted to nurse exclusively this time. But, as J pointed out one day when I was especially depressed due to this - having Baby M is the most important thing. We never imagined we would have another baby. Lack of lactation just doesn't figure as high on our priority list in the scheme of things. More so because S was on formula from almost the beginning and she turned out fine. In fact, she didn't fall sick as much as other kids I saw around us. I am not disputing breast milk's effect on building up a baby's immunity. It was probably my obsessive compulsion in cleaning and boiling the milk bottles that kept the infections at bay. And anyway, this time at least I am nursing. I didn't get to do that with S at all.
Apart from this, we are managing well. There is so much to write about how we coped those first couple of weeks, how certain friends drove me crazy with their non-stop advice, how the Big sister was excited when the baby got here, how I was scared sh**less (:D I somehow love that experssion) before the C-section and a lot of other things. Maybe later. I have this huge jumble of thoughts in my mind right now that doesn't make any sense through that sleep-deprived haze that I am in.
I am breaking my self-imposed ban on posting any personal pictures of myself or my family and leaving you with a picture of Baby M. I also have one of the two sisters together - will post it as soon as I can get it out of my camera onto my laptop.