Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Conscious Choice :

My Life was bed of roses till the job market crashed..unfortunately right after my marriage !!! The next 3 years was really hard struggle fighting with Visa requirements. working on odd jobs..just tugging along to pull through ,all the while keeping the real struggle as secret from the family back in India in order to keep them happy...(mine is love marriage so need to prove ourselves was even more compelling situation then..)

During this time, is when I lost my dad. was unable to even see him pay my respects due to being held by clutches of visa..No question of having baby ..somehow at that time everybody I met whether younger or older than me were having babies ....It was brutal..as We didn't even know whether we would have any problems when we actually try for one..

Then though things weren't that good..but we had kind of survived the major battle..we decided to start a family..or I should say rather I decided to start a family..as S was still in doubt whether we will be able to manage..I was still working 10-14 hours in odd jobs(baby sitting, tutoring, Dunkin Donuts..)..S working round the clock..just making ends meets..

But somehow after losing Appa..i had to find solace somewhere for myself and my amma..I decided either it's now or never to have baby..

By God's grace, I conceived immediately...I was working on odd jobs till I was 6 months pregnant and then due to complications and other circumstances I quit and just did part time work..Then came Shyam....We moved to Canada when Shyam was 5 months old..He brought us all the luck and prosperity..With PR in Canada, finding a job was relatively easy compared to US being on visa..Still took a couple of months..till S landed in his dream job..

I was SAHM till Shyam was 18 months old..I had worked so hard during those 3 yrs that I had no intention to going back to any kind of work..S kept feeling that I should start looking and shouldn't let my career take a back seat..As, even in those 3 yrs of struggle, he made me finish my BS Math in US (--double bachelors that's another long story --Bcom in India), currently finishing up MS Statistics..
Then I got an great offer --my first real job ..from a really good firm with all perks just out of blue..no trying from my side.. S had just posted my resume on workopolis long time ago..

Well decision had to be made...we decided to take one step at time..went ahead with the interviews..cleared them all..this was in July 2006..accepted the offer to join by Sep first week !!yes they even agreed to that..my mom was supposed to be coming by then.When opportunity comes knocking on your door..you don't turn it down..I have been on the other side of the door too !!!

Heart of hearts I cried ..I loved being at home with him..during those 18 months I didn't crib even once !! It's true and I am not lying about it !! But again I had really yearned to have a baby...S was born exactly year after I lost my Dad....He was a gift from my Dad....So leaving behind S at home was like battling a personal struggle...But I had already been in a place where I couldn't even plan for S ...

And here is when mind intervenes and points out the importance of work.Though I miss him, I love my work..and everyone around me is proud about the significant role I play in my concern.

Being financial independent for both parents is essential in current working situations. where lay offs are a common thing...Most of us are in entirely different country with almost no support of family..what will we do in any unforeseen circumstances down the road..Sorry to be harsh..but I have seen lot in my few yrs of marriage.. I was again reminded of the fact how fragile Life can be after reading about Kay's friend, who has been recently diagnosed with B-cell Lymphoma cancer.

Yes indeed we need to be there to cater to a sick child, leaving them with strangers pains..but as long as we are not compromising on our kids happiness & well being ..we are justified...To give them better education, consciously trying our best to give them quality time, to be able to pick up a career path for oneself (if one had planned for it ), to be bit better prepared for life's challenges..

Again all these thoughts are coming from a mom of just one kid, who is taken care by his Grandma.He is her only solace after my Dad,I don't know how the story goes with managing 2 or more kids ..
We all have our wishful thinking...as long as we are happy & content with our decision..We have achieved our goal..and our kids will appreciate our decision & grow up fine..


Kay said...

Shweta... I cant imagine how you must have felt when going through all those - esp. not being able to say a bye to your dad. (((((Shweta)))) You've been through a lot.

I am glad you and S have a job that you like and your life is a lot better than it was.

I wish you tons and tons of happiness, love, luck and laughter in your life.

Asha said...

Shweta,reading all that sent a chill up my spine! We had "love marriage" too although family got us married and yes, we had to prove them too and we did! I understand what you are saying completely!
Glad everything sorted out for you now and you are happy the way you are leading your life!
Good luck and your son will be quite okay, don't worry!Hugs :)

shweta said...

Kay : Thanks for the wishes :)

Asha : Ours was love cum arranged too..but I was 21 ,and ours was first love marriage in all generations of my family :)..So we had a "BIG IF " to prove...God's grace we did it pull all together..though feels sad that Appa isn't around too see shyam..

Dee said...

Hi Shweta..you have been through a lot and I am glad things are working great for you now. You sure have been on both the sides and have made a decision that works for all of you...Good luck with everything :)

smdatta said...
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Sandeepa said...

You sure have gone through a lot at a young age. I am sure all those experiences made you stronger.
You are lucky to have your Amma around now, so be happy :)

indosungod said...

Shweta, hugs to you! you have come out fighting, that is the spirit. Hardships now don't scare you easily I guess, so all the more power to you.

Now it is time to enjoy! Good Luck and have fun.

Sheela said...

>>where lay offs are a common thing...Most of us are in entirely different country with almost no support of family..what will we do in any unforeseen circumstances down the road.

My thoughts exactly, Shweta... you shared your thoughts on one of my early posts on this subject - having been unemployed (both me and husband) for a while around the 2000-2002 period, scrambling for pizza delivery jobs and such to make ends meet, it does strike a chord...

This is D's home, his country, and while I did suggest we move to India so I can have my parents' support, it seemed like an affront to his determination to make our "love marriage" work, understandably...

C'est la vie... We will Survive:-)

Saheli said...

"...as long as we are happy & content with our decision..We have achieved our goal..and our kids will appreciate our decision & grow up fine.."
I am very sure that your family and friends are very proud of you. You have been through a lot and came out more stronger than ever.