Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Working Mom by choice

Born a rebel perhaps, had a difficult childhood, gave quite a tough time to my mom I suppose. A board topper and post grad in Maths Mom with a range of extra curricular accomplishments, she had opted to become a SAH Mom, and perfectly raise her own two daughters. It was definitely a reflective decision as she lost her Mom at 4, and grew up in a home with an indifferent step mom. However, this increased pressure for performance on us across curricular as well as extra curricular disciplines

Me having a very strong mind since childhood, converted every non agreement into a huge war for independence.... and the war continues. As I grew up, one realisation was pretty brutally etched in my mind.... I will not sacrifice my work life and try to find personal success through that of my child.... in fact, funnily it was one of the pre-conditions for accepting D as my fiance and later hubby.

Lucky I am, as neither D nor my Dad ever encouraged my ' will leave job for my little one' blues. Had it not been for my father, I would have never even dreamt or achieved whatever little I have done so far. He was instrumental in sowing the seeds of unachievable ambitions, through my life. However, in this path, my Mom played the role of rationaliser, often too pessimistic to swallow.

Last year D was to take a seconment for 3 yrs to US and happily I quit to accompany him, for the first time. Excited, organised as ever, we had everything worked out while waiting for our L1/L2 for me visas for 4 months.... yah!!! thatz what we had to wait for a visa interview. We got our visa s in June, ready to board a flight in 10 days, when for some reason we called off the shifting project and D decided to go for a domestic role in the same company and not disturb our son with a coming back home at 13yrs.

All this while I was freaking as a SAH Mom. Initial 2 months, everyday I walked and window shopped for 2-3 hrs, till my feet ached. Then I started watching TV through the day.... till I started working part time teaching in some Mgt schools and doing work on project basis.

With D gone for his domestic posting, me and Reik tried hard to settle into a life. The three men in my life, Dad, D and Reik started pushing me hard to join work back. I had somehow got used to my lazy slowpaced life, but gathered and joined back work. Initial one month was painful. But thanks to my 9 yr old son and his immense cooperation I am back, running, happy, by God's grace.

So, I believe, motherhood is neither enhanced nor reduced, if Mom is not by the side of a child for 24 hrs. It is the bonding, the 'When' and ' How' we spend the shared time that matters rather than the ' How much'. Since I always fought for a recognition as an individual rather than a child, I have always tried to treat R, my son as an individual. This has empowered him ,with decision making ability on small little things in school or life at home.

It is our approach to raising a self reliant and resilient kid, who has feet on ground but eyes on the moon. If we succeed, he does, if we do not, yet he might in his own individual style and steam, and face the world

8 comments:

david santos said...

Great work, gret text and good blogue, thank you.

DR said...

Nice writing.....
keep it up!
DR

Kay said...

'I will not sacrifice my work life and try to find personal success through that of my child.'

Very well said BWM! I wish many more moms feel this way.

Asha said...

Good writing! Great that you are happy with your choice!:))
I am a stay at home mom, 24/7/365!! Both my kids are excellent students, hard workers and happy kids as their teachers tell me.
They have goals to become professionals and achieving to reach there.I am there any time they call me to do anything for them with 100% support while my hubby works long hours.We as a family never asked for more from what we have right now!!:))

Sandeepa said...

Hey BWM
So you heard me finally :)

I though you always worked, did you SAH in between ?

Its great that you have worked out everything so well and your son is a happy 9 year old, what more would you want

Saheli said...

Good post!
A Happy mom makes everything around her happy...

Bong Working Mom said...

Thanks everybody.

Sandeepa, I am very much a WM, with a too consuming job/ profession. I am an MBA, working as a Business Director with a Media Services Agency (Advertising, if that makes any sense).Basically heavily into Strategic planning for communication and advertising media usage. So job is naam ka waaste 9:30-5:30. Beyond that, it continues over phone, laptops, datacards and what not.....I took a break in 2005 Nov; Back to work in Dec 2006

Dee said...

I loved the part where you say "motherhood is neither enhanced or reduced...."...how true that is! annd I can relate to how my dad and husband encourage me to work and be on my own..