Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Working/ Not-Working moms

Hi all,
All the articles on this subject are so close to heart, you can relate to all of them. Yes, I can relate to one aspect of one, and then another of a second. What I mean is that, all these decisions are/were taken based on real life situations...most of which we are familiar with at some time or the other in our lives. Plus the fact that we are mothers , makes it easier to understand the feeling of the other, even if you have a different opinion.
My writing is again MY story, MY opinion..

I joined work first time after coming to Holland...I had just finished my Phd in Japan , came here to join my husband A+. We were miles apart after marriage (me in Japan, he in Netherlands) for more than a year. So as you know, the first 3 months were as colorful as the tulips here.[not that the colour is gone now!!;-) ]. I had left home for hostel when I was 19, and then left India alone when I was 25 for Japan....this made me a very independent woman...maybe this was the reason that I became very impatient to stay at home within the first 3 months [+ the weather here which is gloomy most of the time]...even though I was enjoying every bit of my new home. This impatience landed myself a job very soon but in a totally different field. I travelled a lot...learned a lot....mostly to cope with work atmosphere..was once again financially independent..made me happy.

The dizzy feeling came after 2 years!! ;-))
Travel was not possible due to pregnancy problems after 3 months.....but the medical insurance/working insurance took care of that...I stayed mostly at home..but got fully paid.
lucky me! A was born..... our lives changed...I DID NOT WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK ANYMORE JUST THEN!!!
so I took unpaid leave for 9 months. At the end of it , the impatient me was winning again....I can blame it on my sun-sign [geminis want change.....]!! So I went back to work this time being thankfully transferred to a office close to home..
A was in a heart cried when I left him there every morning....the practical husband scolded me at times....however,things got better within a few weeks... the husband had a "I told you so" look in his eyes....
The work by this time however was SUPER BORING!!!!
So out came my resume....the search was on! Then I got this dream job as a research scientist...which was again far from home but too good (and finally in my own field) to let go.
A+ helped me to take a every step he encouraged me more.....we even decided to move houses.... I am really thankful to have him as my partner.[ have to give him this site so that he reads this !!;-)]
A was moved from one creche to another.....again a bit of getting-used-to problems...but he did fine! I work full time now....4 days in office..1 day from home when A stays at home too. i love this situation....A comes to office with me..his creche is 5 mins walk from my desk!
I did have my days of feeling-bad when I left him for the first time....but now its not that bad anymore.
And here comes a very honest sentence: "I have no guilty feeling...I dont miss A during my working hours".

Three main reasons which contribute to the above sentence are:::
1. This little person A also loves his creche now where he can play with other kids...when he gets home we(A+ and me) try to spend good time together. He does not cry when I say bye in the morning....occassionally makes unhappy faces....and and and sometimes refuses to go home in the evenings!!! can you imagine THAT??
2. I love my current work.
3. A+ encourages and supports me always. (lets say most of the times ;-))

THAT was a long post....................



Kay said...

DR, I applaud you for your honest answer! I don't see anything wrong there. If I were to leave M in daycare, I don't think I'll have a guilty streak in me. I have a feeling that she's a people person like me and all that company will do her good.

I'm glad you made things work for you without tilting the balance - by moving your house and his creche... good planning!

Sandeepa said...

That was a nice story to read and I feel A is at a age now where they are more capable of having fun with peers.
So it is actually fine

But while on this topic, don't you think research and such areas offer more flexibility to Moms than other areas like the financial industry etc. ?

Kavitha said...

Very nice post.
Like you said, even I get a scolding or two from DH whenever I get too emotional and cranky about leaving biddu at daycare.( he is not going to daycare yet, but the very thought of it makes me cry). But, as you mentioned, I guess he will easily adapt to it with time.

Saheli said...

Wow! a 'research scientist' impressive DR! I am glad you got your dream job.
And if your husband is reading this, "Good job! buddy. Thanks for supporting DR..."

Dee said...

Hi DR,
true to heart post. Its awesome that A is just around the corner from your office. Gives you that xtra peace of mind I bet. Have fun!

Asha said...

Dr, now you know both ends of the coin, you enjoy more of what you do now! That is great!:))
If you have a professional degree, you shouldn't be home without using your qualifications.
I see many doctors(moms) stay home which is to me is such waste of all that education when somebody else could have taken their seat and used it too.
Enjoy what you do,you don't have to feel guilty at all since your son likes where he is now!:)

indosungod said...

DR , nice post. Kids actually adapt much faster than we adults do. The satisfaction that you get from doing what you want is also important.

#1 GAL, Dr. Ty! said...


Another important thing to recognize is what your child's personality truly is and how much are our fears being put onto them and how bothered they really are by change.

My son has been in daycare since 3 months old. Just before he turned 2, I worked from home for 6 months and I still left him in daycare/pre-school three days a week. I noticed that when he was at home, he'd get bored quickly, start running in circles (literally), would ask about his classmates and seemed frustrated. At school, he's a perfect angel, he enjoys playing with other little people and is much more agreeable when he comes home to us. He is super hyper and the structure seems to work better for him.

However, I've seen other children his age that seem to flourish at home more than in social settings. It's all in the personality of your child. There's no one right-wrong way to do it.

As for me, I found that spending half the week with him and half the week working was ideal for me... although no longer a possibility.

Good luck ladies!

Author, "The Get A Life Campaign"

DR said...

Thank you all for the encouraging/understanding comments.

Sandeepa: you are absolutely right..research has more flexibility than industrial/financial jobs. Research jobs in university has even more flexibility..but research in R&D of a company (my case)is more project based. But still I agree its more flexible....for sure.

#1gal : its true..I have seen this difference in behaviour in kids as well.