No, all you can do is let go. And watch as he joins the sea of other anxiously smiling faces.
...ah!yes, school has started.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
The beginning
And that day is here. Bright morning sunshine streaks through the blinds, nudging you awake. In that sweet subconscious spot where you are neither asleep nor awake, you are jolted to full awareness by the the thought that today is the big day.You get up and wake up the rest of the sleepy heads. Looking at the tousled hairs and dreamy eyes and you cannot believe how fast time has flown! The house address and phone numbers have been memorized and repeated, the bag is packed, the excitement of the last few days has been replaced by a slight trepidation. You get everybody in the car, yelling instructions at every step, trying to appear calm though you are past hyperventilating inside. Then you reach the destination. You turn back in your seat and see a nervous smile on his face, the look that says "I'm confused. Should I be happy or anxious?" You walk to that door, beyond which you are not allowed, beyond which a whole new world beckons him, a world where you will not be able to hold his hand, or give him a hug to comfort your own fears or go over all instructions twice to make sure he remembers.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Focus! Focus! Focus!
7:45 a.m
I firmly suspect that the hands of the clock move faster at this time of the day than they do the rest of the day. Otherwise why would I see 7:00 only a few minutes back ? I just don’t know..All I know is that I have to hurry …leave home by 8:05 in order not to be terribly late for school.
I put the milk in the microwave, the bread in the toaster , the cornflakes in the bowl and shout at the top of my voice ( maybe the 29th time)….”Arno, where are you? Breakfast is served” . The past tense is used purposely otherwise the little master adds the time of the microwave to his “lazily-finishing-his playing-and-coming-down-the-stairs” routine! I Go back to kitchen, take the milk out, take the bread out……
The cornflakes are now indeed on the table, the son is nicely seated in front, the mother is busy instructing him on the speed with which he should finish the bowl. At the same time , with her back to the table she is also spreading butter on her toast (multitasking and all that!!). The little one fiddles with his spoon, fiddles with the dry cornflakes, fiddles with whatever is on the table. The eating process is extremely slow, not because of the hunger, but because of the lack of focus! That’s what the mother thinks!
The instructions start very nicely…” please Arno, eat quickly , we will be late for school”. Child begins to eat at a speed much much lower than the speed stated minutes before by the focused mother.
Gradually the tone goes an octave higher, words like ‘Please’ just drop off.
“Arno, Quick! We don’t have all the time in the world..EAT!”. Child continues eating but still at a very very slow speed.
I proceed to make myself a good cup of tea. That eats away my 3.5 mins. I turn around only to see the little one holding a cornflake in his hand , looking at the ceiling and even SMILING, mouth empty! One flickering moment of anger sparks..all this while did I not make myself clear? Clear about the speed ? clear about the need to focus on food? So I shout, “Arno! FOCUS! FOCUS FOCUS……..”
He looks down from the ceiling as if waking up from a bad dream (in this case that of a witch screaming at him) and looks at me patiently , smiles and says…” You know what Mama, yesterday when Tom was eating cornflakes, Jerry walked up behind him and………………..”
I had to smile.
Thank you God for creating small five year olds who don’t focus!! What an uninteresting world that would have been if EVERYONE focused……………
I firmly suspect that the hands of the clock move faster at this time of the day than they do the rest of the day. Otherwise why would I see 7:00 only a few minutes back ? I just don’t know..All I know is that I have to hurry …leave home by 8:05 in order not to be terribly late for school.
I put the milk in the microwave, the bread in the toaster , the cornflakes in the bowl and shout at the top of my voice ( maybe the 29th time)….”Arno, where are you? Breakfast is served” . The past tense is used purposely otherwise the little master adds the time of the microwave to his “lazily-finishing-his playing-and-coming-down-the-stairs” routine! I Go back to kitchen, take the milk out, take the bread out……
The cornflakes are now indeed on the table, the son is nicely seated in front, the mother is busy instructing him on the speed with which he should finish the bowl. At the same time , with her back to the table she is also spreading butter on her toast (multitasking and all that!!). The little one fiddles with his spoon, fiddles with the dry cornflakes, fiddles with whatever is on the table. The eating process is extremely slow, not because of the hunger, but because of the lack of focus! That’s what the mother thinks!
The instructions start very nicely…” please Arno, eat quickly , we will be late for school”. Child begins to eat at a speed much much lower than the speed stated minutes before by the focused mother.
Gradually the tone goes an octave higher, words like ‘Please’ just drop off.
“Arno, Quick! We don’t have all the time in the world..EAT!”. Child continues eating but still at a very very slow speed.
I proceed to make myself a good cup of tea. That eats away my 3.5 mins. I turn around only to see the little one holding a cornflake in his hand , looking at the ceiling and even SMILING, mouth empty! One flickering moment of anger sparks..all this while did I not make myself clear? Clear about the speed ? clear about the need to focus on food? So I shout, “Arno! FOCUS! FOCUS FOCUS……..”
He looks down from the ceiling as if waking up from a bad dream (in this case that of a witch screaming at him) and looks at me patiently , smiles and says…” You know what Mama, yesterday when Tom was eating cornflakes, Jerry walked up behind him and………………..”
I had to smile.
Thank you God for creating small five year olds who don’t focus!! What an uninteresting world that would have been if EVERYONE focused……………
Saturday, May 1, 2010
A call from IndusLadies
I received an email from Megha at IndusLadies.com. I am copy-pasting her email as it is because that fully explains what this is about:
Dear Desi Momz Club,
This is Megha Sharma from Indusladies.com, an online community for Indian women worldwide. Your effort to get all the mommy bloggers together and build a community around them is very commendable. I do peep in on and off to your website.
Indusladies.com, with over 5 lakh monthly visitors, is one of the largest websites for Indian Women. For the upcoming Mother's Day, we are producing a "Mommy Blogger's ebook" with a list of all Indian Mommy bloggers and their best 5 posts. We plan to send that ebook to all our 90,000 members and also promote it among our 6000+ facebook fans and twitter followers. We thought that it would be a good free visibility for the Mommy bloggers. You can see the announcement here for details.
Can you help us get the word out about this opportunity among your members by making a blog post on this? I am attaching a banner that you can use in your blog post to attract attention. You can also link it to the announcement link above so that your members can find all the information easily.
Participation ends May 6th and hence appreciate your support in this regard. Please feel free to contact me with any questions. Thank you.
--
Warm Regards
Megha
Follow us in Twitter - http://twitter.com/Indusladies
Become our Fan in Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/pages/
Join our Orkut Community - http://www.orkut.com/Main#
Friday, April 30, 2010
A new discovery!
[Note: Previously published on my blog: My Two Cents]
BOYS!!! From what S tells me, the whole sixth grade gang of girls has discovered them. Only as preteen girls of 11 and 12 can :) Some are "going steady" some have "boyfriends" and some, like S, just like a boy from afar. In her own words - "I only LIKE him. It's not like I LOVE him or anything. Or that I cannot live without him". Well, I am glad to see you still have your head on your shoulders honey :P What makes things more interesting is that T, the boy S likes, is "going out" with D who is one of S' good friends. But S claims that it doesn't bother her because she only likes T and doesn't expect him to like her back. Sigh! I never expected that kind of level-headed thinking from any of MY girls!!
This all came out last night when I mentioned in the passing that I had heard a girl we know, "A" (who is in sixth grade as well), had a boyfriend. I was immediately provided with the intricate details of who is going out with whom, who likes whom and who broke up with whom. After that session I could feel my head swimming. There is no way I can keep up with these preteens' busy social lives!
That also brought a question from S. "What would your reaction be if I told you that I have a boyfriend?" I can't say that I wasn't expecting it. Or I should say I was prepared with an answer - only, I was not expecting it this early. I told S I'd be fine with it as long as she doesn't hide it from me and her dad. I also wanted to tell her that if she feels ashamed or nervous about introducing a boy to us, he probably is not boyfriend material but I thought I'd leave that for later discussions.
I know some of our friends will probably be shocked at the "westernized" way we are bringing our daughter up. Good Indian girls don't have boyfriends. They don't even know about the birds and the bees until they get married :) Okay, so they are not THAT innocent but going by the reaction of a few parents in our group, to mentions of boyfriends and kissing etc. it is clear that, according to them, Indian girls should maintain their "Indian-ness". They should not blindly follow the western culture. Never mind that they are living in the freaking middle of the said culture. And truthfully, I have come across plenty of American moms who are pretty worried about keeping their girls away from boys. One such mom mentioned to me that she doesn't remind her daughter about a friend (who is a boy, of course) whom she grew up with because, FRANKLY, she doesn't want her thinking about boys yet.
Edited to add: On second thought, maybe some of these friends don't exactly think that an Indian girl should not have a boyfriend. Maybe they, like me, think it is too early at 11/12 to think of boyfriends. But I say you cannot stop them from thinking. You can only control your reaction to it and with it, hopefully, still make your kids secure enough to come and confide in you.
Well, I have news for you mom!! If your daughter is a sixth grader, she IS thinking about boys. She was probably thinking about them in fifth grade too. (I had my first crush at the ripe old age of 10!!) Maybe she still has that innocence and isn't thinking of having a boyfriend yet, but the other girls around her ARE thinking and talking about boys so, believe me, your daughter is too. In that case wouldn't it be better to keep the communication channels open and LET your daughter talk (and think out loud) about boys a little? Just so you can provide a little guidance to her at an age when she needs it the most. Now, I think this American mom is pretty cool and is probably already doing all this. (S thinks she is AWESOME!!!!!! - all the exclamation marks and the bold print intended :P) Maybe she just mentioned it to me as the way of expressing an opinion about such young girls dating. But I do see this attitude in many other parents - specially within our Indian circle. NO boys! NO sex! NO drugs! NO alcohol! Well, I do agree that our kids are better off without the latter three. But I am not naive enough to believe that just because I say no, my child will comply. So I make sure that I say no, I explain why and then I also tell her that she can still come to me if she does slip and make a mistake. I tell her it is okay to talk about ANYTHING with me. I show her that she can talk to me about anything by not having a strong negative reaction to something she tells me, no matter how much it shocks me. By making her feel secure that no matter what she says to me, I will not judge her.
One couple is determined to return to India by the time their older child turns 6 or 7 just because "the Western influence spoils the kids here and then they are no longer under your control". I could argue against this point on so many levels! First - Western influence spoils the kids??! For the record, I have seen enough American kids who have their heads screwed on right, and have the right priorities. I have also seen Indian kids born and brought up in America who make the right choices and have some sense. I know that kids in India are not entirely free of the "Western influence". There are as much drugs and sex problems among teens in India as there are here. Second - WHY would you want your kids under your (absolute) control?? [The friend in question mentioned that in India neighbors and relatives can help you keep an eye on the kids and report everything they do, to you. That IS absolute control in my opinion] Your job as a parent should be to teach them the right values, point them in the right direction and let them find their own path. And be there to support them when they stumble or fall. Your job, as a parent, is NOT to MAKE their path for them. Or to be the sentry on that path, keeping a strict eye and preventing them from making any mistakes. In my opinion, mistakes help us grow as a person, but that is neither here nor there and certainly not the point of this post. Third - do they expect their kids to escape all these influences in India??! And do they think they cannot influence their own kids during their formative years here, in America?? Kids look up to us a lot more than they let on, really.
So, to come back to the post, S and I talked about a lot of things. At one point she told me about a girl in her class who has already been "through FIVE boyfriends!!" I took that opportunity to explain to S that given their age and inexperience in life in general, it IS a good idea not to bind yourself to or to go steady with just one person. If you don't hang out with a number of friends (who are boys), how WILL you know if the boy you like and want to go steady with, IS your kind of boy?
I also met with her guidance counselor at school to discuss some recent teasing S had been subjected to. When I told him that S had come to me and told me about the teasing his first comment was "You must be doing a great job if your daughter still comes to you to discuss her problems at this age". It hit me then! Maybe my attempts at keeping the communication channels open ARE working! All I need to do now is KEEP them open.
Easier said than done!
What about you? How do you keep the communication going between yourself and your children? What would your reaction be if your 11 year old daughter came to you and said she likes a boy? Or if your 12 year old son came and told you he likes a girl? What DO you think about middle school kids and dating? I personally think it is too early at 11 or 12 but I also know that my saying so will not deter them. (Having friends of the opposite sex is okay in my eyes) Share your strategies with me. I am new at this "parenting a preteen" gig!!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Free Book - Courageous Parents Confident Kids
I received this in the mail and felt like it would a great thing for other moms here as well. I'm not affiliated with the following book download in anyway, nor do I benefit from it. I just downloaded the book and browsed through it, it has very good stuff. Sharing it here with the hope that it benefits somebody else besides me.
The book is also available on Amazon for $10.76. The free download is only from April 19-21rst as an early Mother's day gift.Enjoy!
- Kay
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon
 |
Would you like to receive support, resources, exercises and real-world tools from 14 award-winning parenting authors to help you and the children in your life experience more peace and well-being?
Here it is—the FREE download you signed up for---and it’s only live for 48 hours so make sure you save it to your hard drive! 
This past year, I had the joy and privilege of working with my good friend Amy Tiemann--author and The Today Show expert--on an exciting new book that hits bookstores and Amazon this month. Courageous Parents, Confident Kids: Letting Go So You Both Can Grow (Spark Press, 2010) is a powerful anthology featuring contributions from 14 nationally-recognized experts. The focus of the book is to help families avoid “helicopter parenting,” tune into their inner wisdom, stress less and create joyful independence in the nest and beyond.
As an early Mother’s Day gift, Spark Press and Renee Trudeau & Associates are offering FREE digital copies of this beautiful, empowering, supportive new title April 19th through April 21st (a vailable on Amazon for $15.95).
We encourage you to pass this on to your friends, family, clients and colleagues around the globe who work with or support children in any capacity. One of the things I love about this book is that the stories and insights are applicable for kids from cradle to college. And the tone throughout t he book is empowering and supportive. I can’t wait to share this resource with my family members and those who are involved in our larger support network!
Let us know what you think of the book by sharing your comments on your Courageous Parenting (or Courageous Kids) moments on our Live Inside Out FB Community!
Take care—Renee Trudeau
Monday, April 5, 2010
Nurture Shock
I just read this amazing book called Nurture Shock, by po Bronson, and thought I simply had to share it with all the parents I know. It basically takes up many of the tenets of modern parenting and highlights recent scientific research that shows either why certain behaviours happen or what actually needs to be done to help some of those behaviours to be modified. For instance, sibling rivalry...
Conventional wisdom has it that it stems from a dislike of having to share the parents' time and attention so parents spend a lot of time reassuring older siblings about it. But scientific research shows that it's actally a function of sharing physical things - toys, books, games etc. So no matter how much extra attention you give the elder sibling, it actually won't help. Research shows that kids treat their friends a lot more nicely and with a lot more respect than their siblings. What will help siblings to get along is trying to help them see that the sibling is a friend.
There's information about all the Just say No programs - be it against drugs, alcohol or teenage sex - and the reasons why they don't work. It turns out the Idle mind is the devil's workshop. So what is more useful than these lectures and workshops is to run longer-term programs that help teens fill up their time with something more useful and enriching than hangin' at the mall.
I found the book an absolute eye-opener and a riveting read.
Conventional wisdom has it that it stems from a dislike of having to share the parents' time and attention so parents spend a lot of time reassuring older siblings about it. But scientific research shows that it's actally a function of sharing physical things - toys, books, games etc. So no matter how much extra attention you give the elder sibling, it actually won't help. Research shows that kids treat their friends a lot more nicely and with a lot more respect than their siblings. What will help siblings to get along is trying to help them see that the sibling is a friend.
There's information about all the Just say No programs - be it against drugs, alcohol or teenage sex - and the reasons why they don't work. It turns out the Idle mind is the devil's workshop. So what is more useful than these lectures and workshops is to run longer-term programs that help teens fill up their time with something more useful and enriching than hangin' at the mall.
I found the book an absolute eye-opener and a riveting read.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Public Schools vs. Private Schools in USA
This topic is a never ending debate I guess.
We have a 3 yr old who currently goes to a daycare center which has pre-school and kindergarten too. We are in the process of deciding whether we need to send him to a private school (from Pre-school till 12th grade) so that he can continue till 12th grade in the same school. Even though we live in an excellent school district, we still want to look at all the options that private schools provide.
I would like to hear real-life experiences from moms across the country and that’s the reason why Iam posting it here. It would be great if you can post some words on the following :-
We have a 3 yr old who currently goes to a daycare center which has pre-school and kindergarten too. We are in the process of deciding whether we need to send him to a private school (from Pre-school till 12th grade) so that he can continue till 12th grade in the same school. Even though we live in an excellent school district, we still want to look at all the options that private schools provide.
I would like to hear real-life experiences from moms across the country and that’s the reason why Iam posting it here. It would be great if you can post some words on the following :-
- Why did you chose a private school for your kid/kids ?
- What was the criteria in selecting that school ?
- If you had switched your kids from public to private or private to public at some point during their school years, why ?
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Guilt-free Cookies
Cross-posted here
I saw these cookies on a fellow Raveller's blog and Aadi caught me!And she demanded for some.I was drooling myself and decided to try the recipe.Only..I was/am on a diet and I didn't want to blow it.So,I decided to play around with the ingredients.So here's a dieter's version of the cookies..
You need-
3/4 stick of butter(at room temperature)
3/4 cup sugar(I just had one kind)
1/2 tsp salt
2 egg yolks
2 cups flour.
(I just changed the quantity of butter)
And followed the rest of the recipe ,as is..from Here
1) Using a hand/stand mixer beat the butter till smooth and very creamy. Add the sugars and beat until well blended, about 1 minute. The mixture should be smooth and velvety, not fluffy and airy.
2) Reduce mixer speed to low and beat in the egg yolks, again beating till the mixture is homogenous.
3) Add the flour and mix using a spatula, until the dough looks uniformly moist. The dough will not clean the sides of the bowl nor will it come together in a ball. You want to work the dough AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.
4) Divide the dough in half and shape each piece into a smooth log about 9 inches long.
5) Wrap the logs well and refrigerate them for at least 3 hours (or overnight).
6) Preheat the oven to 350F. Line the baking sheets with parchment paper.[160Deg in Fan Forced oven]
7) Remove the log of dough from the refrigerator, unwrap it and place it on a parchment paper. Brush some yolk all over the sides of the dough- this is the glue then sprinkle the entire surface of the log with coarse sugar.
8) Slice the log into 1/3 - 1/2 inch thick cookies ( no thinner than 1/4 inch). Place the round on the baking sheets.
9) Bake for 17-20 mins. When properly baked the cookies will be light brown on the bottom, lightly golden around the edges and pale on top. Remove from the oven and let it rest a minute before carefully lifting them onto a rack to cool to room temperature.
The cookies were yummy!!! I used the fan forced oven and heated it up too much..burnt the first batch!By the second batch,I realised my mistakeand adjusted the temperature.The cookies came out beautiful and were demolished in 10 minutes flat.I just got to taste 1 ..rest was gobbled up by the father-daughter!
I am going to try this again..I m thinking..if the diet version is sooo good..how good would the Real thing be??
I saw these cookies on a fellow Raveller's blog and Aadi caught me!And she demanded for some.I was drooling myself and decided to try the recipe.Only..I was/am on a diet and I didn't want to blow it.So,I decided to play around with the ingredients.So here's a dieter's version of the cookies..
You need-
3/4 stick of butter(at room temperature)
3/4 cup sugar(I just had one kind)
1/2 tsp salt
2 egg yolks
2 cups flour.
(I just changed the quantity of butter)
And followed the rest of the recipe ,as is..from Here
1) Using a hand/stand mixer beat the butter till smooth and very creamy. Add the sugars and beat until well blended, about 1 minute. The mixture should be smooth and velvety, not fluffy and airy.
2) Reduce mixer speed to low and beat in the egg yolks, again beating till the mixture is homogenous.
3) Add the flour and mix using a spatula, until the dough looks uniformly moist. The dough will not clean the sides of the bowl nor will it come together in a ball. You want to work the dough AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.
4) Divide the dough in half and shape each piece into a smooth log about 9 inches long.
5) Wrap the logs well and refrigerate them for at least 3 hours (or overnight).
6) Preheat the oven to 350F. Line the baking sheets with parchment paper.[160Deg in Fan Forced oven]
7) Remove the log of dough from the refrigerator, unwrap it and place it on a parchment paper. Brush some yolk all over the sides of the dough- this is the glue then sprinkle the entire surface of the log with coarse sugar.
8) Slice the log into 1/3 - 1/2 inch thick cookies ( no thinner than 1/4 inch). Place the round on the baking sheets.
9) Bake for 17-20 mins. When properly baked the cookies will be light brown on the bottom, lightly golden around the edges and pale on top. Remove from the oven and let it rest a minute before carefully lifting them onto a rack to cool to room temperature.
The cookies were yummy!!! I used the fan forced oven and heated it up too much..burnt the first batch!By the second batch,I realised my mistakeand adjusted the temperature.The cookies came out beautiful and were demolished in 10 minutes flat.I just got to taste 1 ..rest was gobbled up by the father-daughter!
I am going to try this again..I m thinking..if the diet version is sooo good..how good would the Real thing be??
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sorry I disappeared
I meant to write and let you all know,about the changed blog..but,just never got around to..No excuses..I had decided to remain anonymous for a while and so chose to stay away.But now I am back..hopefully you all will still have me.
I promise to be regular this time..I now blog at-
http://littlediva.wordpress.com and
http://craftymaa.wordpress.com
Hope you all are doing well.
Lots Of Love
I promise to be regular this time..I now blog at-
http://littlediva.wordpress.com and
http://craftymaa.wordpress.com
Hope you all are doing well.
Lots Of Love
Thursday, January 21, 2010
What is with these children committing suicide?
Crossposting this here:
Everyday I open the newspaper with a fair amount of dread. Sure enough, every day emblazoned across the front page will be the news about some child somewhere killing themselves. The puzzled grieving parents saying we had no clue why they would want to take their lives. The reasons as ridiculous as losing a percentage point in exams, dread of examination results or worse, being reprimanded by a parent for whatever reason.It puts a knife into my guts and twists it around till I feel physically sick. I have a son. It would kill me. I cant even imagine being in their situation. I pray no one has to. But it seems to be an epidemic. Children are committing suicide every single day, in droves. In the last three months, over a hundred students have committed suicide across Maharashtra.Why? What could be so terrible that they feel they cant face life anymore? Is it, as the articles go, the pressure of studies and the feeling of inadequacy? Is it the terrible competition for a few seats in reputed colleges (therefore the lack of a balance between supply and demand in our educational institutions)? Is it the social stigma? What sort of a society are we morphing into if a child feels that life is not worth living if he flunks an exam? Or is suspended for bunking?And then I read a story like this. And this. And it gives me hope.And I wonder why can we not teach our children to focus on the positives. I wonder how I can do that. I wonder how I can make my child understand that education is only one part of who he is, and even if he does not fare well in his exams, he is still my child and I love him more than I love myself.I wonder where we are going wrong. We are bringing up a generation of children who are completely focussed only on education. Children are drilled with the concept of getting the best marks they can. Parents too transfer all their hopes and aspirations onto their children and consciously or unconsciously pile on the pressure to the child to fulfil their dreams. The child has to yet find and realise his or her own dreams, how can a child fulfil another's dreams. And yet, there are some cases where there is no external pressure from the parents but yet the child feels compelled to end his or her life. How gut wrenching would this be, not knowing why a child you have given birth to and nurtured would not consider the life you gave him or her worth living? Is this making parents terrified of overstepping an imaginary line while asking their children to study? Are parents handling their children with cottonwool for fear that they might just take their lives in reaction to a harsh word?Are we bringing up a generation of weak willed children? Children who cannot deal with failure? Children who are terrified of tackling challenges? Children who have everything handed to them on a plate that they do not know how to tackle rejection and failure? Placing too much pressure on children to perform well academically, and neglecting to teach them that life is not all about academics and career success?I am guilty of this too. The brat struggles to cope with the syllabus at school. I work with him. He has a tuition teacher to help him. He is in grade 1. I temper it by being laid back. If he doesnt feel like doing his work, I let him be. But I do worry. I do know that my heart beats faster when I go for his PTM meetings. That I sigh in relief when I see he's made it beyond the red line in most subjects. I would be happy if he just moves up class to class. And if he doesnt too, well, I'm okay with it. But I still worry for him. Maybe the person who needs to change is me.Maybe it is me who needs to change my expectations from my child. Maybe it is me who needs to have faith that my child will survive and earn a living in this world even if he doesnt top his class, or make it to IIM or IIT. Maybe we really need those reforms Kapil Sibal was talking about.Maybe it is us as parents who need to accept that if our child is averagely intelligent, we find another option that the child shows talent and promise in and nurture that. It could be art, music, dance, any skill. A sport. Maybe we parents are the ones who need counselling.Maybe we need to propagate the concept of suicide as the last refuge of cowards, and not as the glorified end to an unfulfilled life. Perhaps that might work. We need more stories of those who stuck it out and achieved their goals. We need more stories of high school failures and dropouts who made it big, as motivational and inspirational stories for children to read and know about. We need children to realise that suicide is cowardice and sticking it out in the long run is the courage they need. And we need parents the children can turn to for support. I want to be that kind of a parent. I want my child to be able to come to me and tell me he has flunked an exam with no fear. And I pray I am able to accept his failure as his own, and not mine. And that I can give him the courage to get up and go on to attempt it again and again till he succeeds. And not give up midway. I pray all our children get this courage. I pray we as parents are able to give it to them.Links:http://www.indianexpress.com/news/salman-concerned-over-rising-students-suicide-in-maharashtra/569178/http://www.mynews.in/News/Failure_in_exams_is_no_ground_for_ending_life_Salman_N35757.htmlhttp://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/jaipur/Suicide-Early-symptoms-overlooked-in-most-cases/articleshow/5475165.cmshttp://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/jaipur/Mere-parental-pressure-does-not-lead-to-suicide/articleshow/5475164.cms
(Posted by karmickids)
Everyday I open the newspaper with a fair amount of dread. Sure enough, every day emblazoned across the front page will be the news about some child somewhere killing themselves. The puzzled grieving parents saying we had no clue why they would want to take their lives. The reasons as ridiculous as losing a percentage point in exams, dread of examination results or worse, being reprimanded by a parent for whatever reason.It puts a knife into my guts and twists it around till I feel physically sick. I have a son. It would kill me. I cant even imagine being in their situation. I pray no one has to. But it seems to be an epidemic. Children are committing suicide every single day, in droves. In the last three months, over a hundred students have committed suicide across Maharashtra.Why? What could be so terrible that they feel they cant face life anymore? Is it, as the articles go, the pressure of studies and the feeling of inadequacy? Is it the terrible competition for a few seats in reputed colleges (therefore the lack of a balance between supply and demand in our educational institutions)? Is it the social stigma? What sort of a society are we morphing into if a child feels that life is not worth living if he flunks an exam? Or is suspended for bunking?And then I read a story like this. And this. And it gives me hope.And I wonder why can we not teach our children to focus on the positives. I wonder how I can do that. I wonder how I can make my child understand that education is only one part of who he is, and even if he does not fare well in his exams, he is still my child and I love him more than I love myself.I wonder where we are going wrong. We are bringing up a generation of children who are completely focussed only on education. Children are drilled with the concept of getting the best marks they can. Parents too transfer all their hopes and aspirations onto their children and consciously or unconsciously pile on the pressure to the child to fulfil their dreams. The child has to yet find and realise his or her own dreams, how can a child fulfil another's dreams. And yet, there are some cases where there is no external pressure from the parents but yet the child feels compelled to end his or her life. How gut wrenching would this be, not knowing why a child you have given birth to and nurtured would not consider the life you gave him or her worth living? Is this making parents terrified of overstepping an imaginary line while asking their children to study? Are parents handling their children with cottonwool for fear that they might just take their lives in reaction to a harsh word?Are we bringing up a generation of weak willed children? Children who cannot deal with failure? Children who are terrified of tackling challenges? Children who have everything handed to them on a plate that they do not know how to tackle rejection and failure? Placing too much pressure on children to perform well academically, and neglecting to teach them that life is not all about academics and career success?I am guilty of this too. The brat struggles to cope with the syllabus at school. I work with him. He has a tuition teacher to help him. He is in grade 1. I temper it by being laid back. If he doesnt feel like doing his work, I let him be. But I do worry. I do know that my heart beats faster when I go for his PTM meetings. That I sigh in relief when I see he's made it beyond the red line in most subjects. I would be happy if he just moves up class to class. And if he doesnt too, well, I'm okay with it. But I still worry for him. Maybe the person who needs to change is me.Maybe it is me who needs to change my expectations from my child. Maybe it is me who needs to have faith that my child will survive and earn a living in this world even if he doesnt top his class, or make it to IIM or IIT. Maybe we really need those reforms Kapil Sibal was talking about.Maybe it is us as parents who need to accept that if our child is averagely intelligent, we find another option that the child shows talent and promise in and nurture that. It could be art, music, dance, any skill. A sport. Maybe we parents are the ones who need counselling.Maybe we need to propagate the concept of suicide as the last refuge of cowards, and not as the glorified end to an unfulfilled life. Perhaps that might work. We need more stories of those who stuck it out and achieved their goals. We need more stories of high school failures and dropouts who made it big, as motivational and inspirational stories for children to read and know about. We need children to realise that suicide is cowardice and sticking it out in the long run is the courage they need. And we need parents the children can turn to for support. I want to be that kind of a parent. I want my child to be able to come to me and tell me he has flunked an exam with no fear. And I pray I am able to accept his failure as his own, and not mine. And that I can give him the courage to get up and go on to attempt it again and again till he succeeds. And not give up midway. I pray all our children get this courage. I pray we as parents are able to give it to them.Links:http://www.indianexpress.com/news/salman-concerned-over-rising-students-suicide-in-maharashtra/569178/http://www.mynews.in/News/Failure_in_exams_is_no_ground_for_ending_life_Salman_N35757.htmlhttp://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/jaipur/Suicide-Early-symptoms-overlooked-in-most-cases/articleshow/5475165.cmshttp://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/jaipur/Mere-parental-pressure-does-not-lead-to-suicide/articleshow/5475164.cms
(Posted by karmickids)
Monday, January 18, 2010
Time for me
As you have kids and life becomes ever more hectic, it's so easy to forget about making time for the things you want or like. After a while, as a mom, it almost becomes second nature to deny yourself what you want and opt for what the kids want instead - trips to the park instead of to an art gallery or museum, eating at the McDs instead of a restaurant, skipping movies, opting for family time instead of time as a couple...
For me somehow, right from the beginning, it's been important to have time for A and I as a couple. We've had good help at home, and my parents living close by so we've managed to go out for movies, out for meals or parties once in a while. But time to myself has been something I've been pretty stingy about, maybe also because I work fulltime.
In the beginning it was so bad that I would put off nature breaks if the kids wanted something, not realising I was hopping uneasily from one foot to the other while getting whatever they needed. Now it's a rare occurrence for me to go out for so much as a mani-pedi, a once in 3-4 months thing. Haircuts have become an annual event. (Of course, the mani-pedi-haircut thing may also be because I'm naturally lazy about things like that - have been even before I had kids.) Reading is once the kids are in bed or while I'm getting ready or commuting. Writing tends to happen late at night or during occasional breaks at work. Worst of all is that I've fallen off the fitness wagon.
I used to work out thrice a week with a trainer when Chubbocks was small. But that was a time I felt I could permit myself since I worked only halfdays. Then, after Puddi came, I started really rationing my me-time so I began working out with the trainer at 5:30 in the morning, as that one hour was a spell during which the kids and A were fast asleep, so I wasn't 'robbing' anyone of that time. And after Bojjandi came along, I just didn't have the bandwidth or the energy, between breast-feeding, pumping, working and making time for the other two and A.
It's only when I took a break from work, starting July, that I felt I could make a commitment to one hour of working out, and enrolled in a nearby gym. It's been a great thing for me, because I'm not a do-it-yourself yoga type, I either need a tape/ DVD or the energy of other people that bounces off the wall at a gym, to push me. I also have always loved weight-training and working out on machines and the gym has more than enough for my needs so I love working out there.
More than everything, though, when I was doing some thinking about life directions as one tends to do at the end of every year, it hit me that being fit and healthy and energetic went beyond just going back to my original size - before the hypo-thyroid and baby-making caught up on me. It was to do with the sense of empowerment I felt just by taking action against something I saw as an issue. And also, it was about becoming healthier, having more energy to do things for myself and for others. That's when it hit me that one of the few changes I feel called upon to make this year onwards in my attitude towards my own health and fitness, and me-time in general.
I have to start thinking of it as an investment in the family, rather than something I'm robbing them of. Just like I try and think of working as something that builds assets for the family - more money, yes, but also a more patient me. My being fit and having more energy to hang with the kids and being more healthy is likely to keep paying off longterm dividends for the family. I'll be around longer, for one thing. And healthier more of that time. And happier, with a better self image and more positivity and a better attitude about how to cope with life's troubles, big and small.
I think a lot of women make this mistake of treating anything they do for themselves as an indulgence and therefore either of secondary importance or 'robbing' their family. Sometimes it is, let's face it. But a lot of times, it is something that's necessary for their physical and mental wellbeing, so let's stop Nirupa-Roying ourselves!
For me somehow, right from the beginning, it's been important to have time for A and I as a couple. We've had good help at home, and my parents living close by so we've managed to go out for movies, out for meals or parties once in a while. But time to myself has been something I've been pretty stingy about, maybe also because I work fulltime.
In the beginning it was so bad that I would put off nature breaks if the kids wanted something, not realising I was hopping uneasily from one foot to the other while getting whatever they needed. Now it's a rare occurrence for me to go out for so much as a mani-pedi, a once in 3-4 months thing. Haircuts have become an annual event. (Of course, the mani-pedi-haircut thing may also be because I'm naturally lazy about things like that - have been even before I had kids.) Reading is once the kids are in bed or while I'm getting ready or commuting. Writing tends to happen late at night or during occasional breaks at work. Worst of all is that I've fallen off the fitness wagon.
I used to work out thrice a week with a trainer when Chubbocks was small. But that was a time I felt I could permit myself since I worked only halfdays. Then, after Puddi came, I started really rationing my me-time so I began working out with the trainer at 5:30 in the morning, as that one hour was a spell during which the kids and A were fast asleep, so I wasn't 'robbing' anyone of that time. And after Bojjandi came along, I just didn't have the bandwidth or the energy, between breast-feeding, pumping, working and making time for the other two and A.
It's only when I took a break from work, starting July, that I felt I could make a commitment to one hour of working out, and enrolled in a nearby gym. It's been a great thing for me, because I'm not a do-it-yourself yoga type, I either need a tape/ DVD or the energy of other people that bounces off the wall at a gym, to push me. I also have always loved weight-training and working out on machines and the gym has more than enough for my needs so I love working out there.
More than everything, though, when I was doing some thinking about life directions as one tends to do at the end of every year, it hit me that being fit and healthy and energetic went beyond just going back to my original size - before the hypo-thyroid and baby-making caught up on me. It was to do with the sense of empowerment I felt just by taking action against something I saw as an issue. And also, it was about becoming healthier, having more energy to do things for myself and for others. That's when it hit me that one of the few changes I feel called upon to make this year onwards in my attitude towards my own health and fitness, and me-time in general.
I have to start thinking of it as an investment in the family, rather than something I'm robbing them of. Just like I try and think of working as something that builds assets for the family - more money, yes, but also a more patient me. My being fit and having more energy to hang with the kids and being more healthy is likely to keep paying off longterm dividends for the family. I'll be around longer, for one thing. And healthier more of that time. And happier, with a better self image and more positivity and a better attitude about how to cope with life's troubles, big and small.
I think a lot of women make this mistake of treating anything they do for themselves as an indulgence and therefore either of secondary importance or 'robbing' their family. Sometimes it is, let's face it. But a lot of times, it is something that's necessary for their physical and mental wellbeing, so let's stop Nirupa-Roying ourselves!
Cross-posted at Rainbow Days
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Kids Art: Rubber Cement Masking
Thanks to Winter Break, we had a lot of time to try different art projects. My primary aim has always been to expose my 4½ year old to the tools and techniques available these days and to allow for her creative energy to find a release.
Continuing our study of masking, we tried the Rubber Cement masking technique.
Rubber Cement comes in a nice little container with its own brush. Its gummy texture is such that it can be dribbled over the paper by holding the loaded brush in the air and swirling it about. Of course, it can also be 'painted on' with the brush. Ana tried both techniques to understand that whereas one requires more control but forms nice curly lines, the other creates blobs.
I like rubber cement for certain applications. It's texture and the fact that it can be removed easily after it dries makes it an interesting material to play with.
Items Used: Watercolor paper, Rubber Cement, Tempera paints diluted in water (we were running low on watercolors), paint brush.
- Apply the rubber cement on the watercolor paper in any arbitrary pattern.
- Allow to dry. We placed it by the heating vent to speed it up - took about 5 to 10 minutes depending on how thick the application is.
- Then, paint over the dried rubber cement using favorite watercolors or diluted tempera paints. Allow to dry completely.
- Then, either using the fingers or a pencil eraser simply rub the rubber cement off. It peels off easily, leaving the white of the paper that it masked.
As always, my 4½ yr-old decided to make a few as she experimented with the technique and tried it to her satisfaction.
[cross-posted at The Joy Of My Life]
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Kids Art: Waterecolor and Cling Wrap
Continuing the theme of art projects we did recently, here is another.
I was browsing for simple activities with stunning results that can be easily done at home during the Winter Holidays and came across this. I had to try it with Ana.
Items Used: Watercolor paper, Acrylic paper, diluted tempera paints or watercolors, large paint brush, and plastic cling wrap.
- Simply apply blobs of color on heavy-weight paper.
- Place a Cling Wrap sheet on top while still wet, and crinkle it to form patterns.
- Allow to dry.
- Remove the cling wrap.
- Voilà !
We left it by the heating vent, of course, to speed up drying. And proudly showed it to Appa when he got home!
Heavy-weight paper works best, and, the nature and quality of the paper makes a difference, as we would expect. Acrylic paper had a more smooth finish with fractal-like formations.
Whereas, Watercolor paper had a coarse textured look with an interesting cracked crystalline pattern.
Usually, I talk about interesting things we could try with materials at home to gauge Ana's interest on any particular day. And, when she zooms in on one, I try to describe the steps first. Typically, I keep it to 4 or 5 steps. Ask her what she thinks the result of such a process would be.
When she expresses readiness to try it out, I assemble the materials, describing them, repeating the names of materials that are new to her. Sometimes I demo the technique/method that she seems to have trouble with. If possible, I show her pictures of the process and finished results to help her work independently.
I showed her the finished results from the web for this project early in the day and talked about it to her and told her that when she is ready to choose that activity, she can help me assemble the materials. It worked like a charm. I didn't have to wait too long before she put away Enid Paapaa and her clothes and was ready to start.
And, as usual, we weren't satisfied with doing just one, so we created a few, playing with colors and textures, some of which weren't as stunning as the others as we found out. But then, 'stunning' is quite subjective anyway :)
[cross-posted at The Joy Of My Life]
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
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