Sleeping through the Night Hunger Pangs...

[written by Sheela at The Joy of My Life, crossposted here]

At just about every visit for the last few months, Oggie's doctor has strongly recommended that I turn a deaf ear to his cries in the middle of the night, stay firm about not feeding him, and let him sob himself to sleep. Not in any cruel manner, but by using Kim West's technique like Shuffle or something similarly humane and gentle.

Now, the theory seems to be that a 'normal', average-weight 10-month-old can go upto 10 hours without feeding, with no adverse effect on his growth. He can be trained to recognize that 10-hour stretch of nighttime is to be reserved for sleeping without eating or drinking. This, after making sure he feeds every two hours during his waking hours. Go Figure!

Backing up a little, How much should a 10-month-old eat, and how often? Well, approximately 3 meals (3-4oz serving of veggies/fruits/meats/cereal) and maybe 3 snacks (baby's handful of finger foods/fruits) at daytime - viz., breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks roughly inbetween - giving allowance for his nap times, if they exist, plus about 16oz of breastmilk or formula (some claim up to 24oz).

Hm. Seems like a lot, doesn't it?

But, considering that his stomach is the size of his fist, and that I manage to sneak in only about 5-10 baby spoonfuls before he protests vehemently, turns his face away while mercilessly swatting my over-eager feeding-hand, I guess it makes sense to feed him as often as suggested so it manages to meet the nutritional needs for his age. Perhaps this is precisely why they recommend feeding attempting to feed every two hours or so during daytime...

How then can I train him to not expect any meal from 7:30 pm to 5:30 am, from his bedtime to his wake-up time?

The books I've read so far on teaching babies to sleep on their own, for I do believe I should not be a crutch that makes him rely on me for his restfulness, seem to be geared towards getting the baby to fall asleep on his own in the first place, and then simply extrapolate the same technique when he wakes up in the middle of the night.

Now, when a particularly delightful and sweet-tempered baby decides that no amount of cuddling/patting/rubbing/singing is going to make his hunger pangs go away, and holds out for the measly 4-5oz* of beverage that he sucks down in almost a single long gulp, I feel terribly cruel denying him that in the middle of the night in the name of teaching him to fall asleep on his own. I mean, he can fall asleep on his own if he is not so darn h.u.n.g.r.y, it seems to me...
* and, I have greedily attempted to offer 6-8oz hoping he would sleep longer with a fuller tummy - quite an unsuccessful enterprise so far

Unbeknownst to me, and much to my exasperation, my mother has sneaked into me this seemingly altruistic belief that once I have kids, my life is not my own: I live, breathe, sleep, wake up, eat and think only for the kids, and God forbid I put myself first every once in a while and choose sleep over burnout.

I have been breaking out of it slowly now with Oggie (seeing how detrimental it was for me with Ana), choosing not to co-sleep but to be at a sneezing distance from the wee one at nights, one ear cocked to the tune of the baby monitor and feeling terribly guilty the whole time.

How is that better for me? Well, naturally, it is better for me because it is better for Oggie as he is not dependent on me to rock him or cuddle him to sleep - he can fall asleep on his own terms. But, more importantly, after I set him down for his sleep in his crib, I get to take care of my other domestic chores, and maybe sneak in a movie or show or some good-reading to relax, or perhaps even grope for a sense of fulfillment by indulging in some sewing/crocheting/knitting/painting before I retire for the night and catch a couple of hours before Oggie's tummy tugs at my heart again...

Quelle horreur! I chose not to co-sleep because I can have some "me time"?! What sort of a mommy am I?

When Ana was a baby, she would not fall asleep on her own, so I'd have her on my bed, cuddling and patting till she seemed in deep delta non-REM state, enduring my overfilled bladder and longing to read a book but not daring to turn on the light, or for that matter move much as that would wake her up screaming... it was harder for her to break out of it than me, I admit, but, she eventually accepted her crib away from my bed and learnt to fall asleep.

And, of course, each baby is different, so, I cannot expect Oggie to mimic Ana in every way, at least not at this age, not in any significant way... so, I have to figure out what works for him. And me, of course.

And, letting him cry for an hour before giving in and feeding him makes no sense. So, I watch for signs and count the hours before his wee tummy might feel the hunger pangs again - this depends on how his previous feeding went, naturally - and just get up and feed him. Which turns out to be every four** hours still!
** p.s: it is not like I have not tried loading him up right before bedtime with a thickish 8oz mixture of cereal with formula as the doctor suggested... after wasting about 6 of the 8oz for about 6 out of 6 days in a row, I decided to respect Oggie's tastes.

And my colleagues wonder why I bother chugging down decaf by the potful every morning, leaning over my desk dangerously close to resting my carelessly up-swept hair on the keyboard, blissfully unaware of my mismatched socks...

Co Sleeping -- Yay or Nay

Do not Co-Sleep with your babies. Period.

Yeah I know warmth of that soft, cuddly body besides you is irresistible, it is comfortable, easy for you, and now studies prove that it makes kids more independent. But take it from a Mom who has been co-sleeping twice over.

Here I am after a hard days work, with baby A on my left, same bed but she is on her own little mattress. There on my right is Big Sis S who insists on certain days of the week that she wants to come in and share the bed with me. that is what comes of co-sleeping with her all these years.I am wedged in a tiny space in-between, trying to get my sleep, which is not easy given that I am allotted so small a space in my own bed in my own bedroom.

The husband has been banished to snooze under a pink & purple Dora comforter on a Dora bedspread.

If I stick to laws of nature I can never ever become a Mommy of 3 and Thank God for that.

Err, so what does that mean, should you Co-sleep or not ?

This study here says -- " In a survey of adult college age subjects, Lewis and Janda (2) report that males who coslept with their parents between birth and five years of age had significantly higher self-esteem, experienced less guilt and anxiety, and reported greater frequency of sex."

"Crawford (3) found that women who coslept as children had higher self esteem than those who did not. Indeed, cosleeping appears to promote confidence, self-esteem, and intimacy, possibly by reflecting an attitude of parental acceptance"

My nine-month-old doesn't eat solids! Help!

By Shruthi.

Hey Moms! (And Dads! And everybody else!)

I need a bit of advice from you all.

My daughter is nearly nine months old. When we started her on solids, she took to it beautifully, eating heartily. She then graduated to simple adult food, which she liked for a while, but then she rejected it and went back to baby food. Now she is going through a phase where she just doesn't want to eat anything solid. Very occasionally, when she is in the mood, she eats a load of fruit or vegetables (mashed banana, stewed apple, boiled peas), but we cannot even rely upon her to eat that regularly. She doesn't take any liquids either(except breastmilk). No juice, no formula, no dairy milk. A few days, she goes through the entire day with just a few nibbles here and there, and breastmilk.

Everybody tells me that I shouldn't worry and that I shouldn't force-feed her and that she will grow out of this phase. (We don't force feed her - just try a variety of foods to see if anything catches her interest). But the problem is that she starves through the day and wakes up nearly every hour at night and asks to be nursed.

I am told that I should limit nursing at night so that she doesn't get into the habit. But when she cries at night, I am not sure if she is really hungry or just wants a comfort feed. So I end up nursing her.

The doctors said that as long as she is playful and active, I shouldn't worry. But still I worry :)

Have any of you faced any such problem? What did you do?

One more thing. What kind of food did you feed your kids at this age?

Before I end, I have to mention that she is teething - four teeth are already out, two of them have just come out. The other thing is that she is extremely playful, restless and a very active child.

All inputs welcome. Thanks in advance!

Dare we party? Yes!

This post is written by Sue from Sunny Days. She is not a mommy blogger in that her blog is not only about her son (The Bhablet), but she is both a mum and a blogger. There's not much to say about her blog, really. It's about her thoughts and her days and depending on how interesting they are, the blog switches from being fun to dull to thoughtful. 'Nuff said!

I understand this month we've been dared to do something that we don't normally do. What I've been doing may not seem very exciting or especially daring to you but it's certainly changing the quality of our lives. My son is fifteen months old, very sociable and excitable and a very light sleeper. So for the last twelve odd months we have been coming home at his bedtime (9 p.m.), running our lives by his circadian cycle. This month I have been staying out late, keeping him up late, letting him play around with his meal times and nap times, going for midnight drives -- in short, doing the stuff we'd stopped for fear of ruining his night's sleep. And it's working! We're getting to do as we want but he's still falling asleep on schedule or at least falling asleep in our arms when tired (a real rarity when we are out and surrounded by bright lights and people). I'm not sure exactly what worked, but something has and I'm thankful this happened when the party season was in full swing!

To Sleep or Not To Sleep -- Part 3

(This post by Sandeepa of Bong Mom's CookBook)
The Sleep issue generated a lot of information and facts and figures and etc. etc. etc. Too much good information and instead of sleeping on them I right away started applying them. No not to myself, though I would have simply loved that, what with Asha mentioning lavender infused warm bath and the santoor playing on the background...ahhhhhhh bliss.

Ok so I started that at home for little S. I used to do the brushy-brushy, sleepy pajamas, story book routine but then I would lie down besides S to give my aching back some rest. So someone said -- sit not sleep. So that's what I did. I sat straight and then got bored sitting in the dark and patting away to glory, so after 15 minutes I told S I will be downstairs packing up lunch and she should shut her eyes and go to sleep. Saying this I went down and after 5 mins I hear a timid voice enquiring the english for "office", searching for the voice I found it at the top of the stairs in night pajamas :) Cute. Nah, oh come one, kids are allowed to do such things.

Anyway I took her back and put her back on the bed again, same bed, the one in our room. Then after a couple of minutes I again went away. And this time she SLEPT !!!! Yes, she did without asking me english for any other thing, she just slept. So technically she did sleep on her own and thats a big step. D thinks this is not going to continue, so lets keep our fingers crossed...

Thanks to all those wonderful comments and suggestions though so let me just compile all those thoughts here for quick reference

Co-Sleeping

This is fine as long as you, the kid and the hubby is. Don't worry about the neighbours at least not in this case. Some Moms say "Co-sleeping helps bond with the kid, and they start sleeping better when you co-sleep. " Another Mom says "I like to think of "our co-sleeping" as a ritual where the whole family spends time with the children". So cuddle up before they shut the door on you.

Not Co-Sleeping

Still better. Your life is easy. If you are reading this, do not read ahead you have achieved what every Mom is striving for or maybe not striving for yet...
But by the age of 3-4 maybe you can start the process even if you are an ardent co-sleeping fan. To support the economy someone has to buy those cute toddler bed sets, right ?
This is what The Experienced Mom says "Both my kids slept in my bed as infants every day from birth to the first two years although we had a crib.Then they asked me to buy them colorful kiddie beds and moved to another room on their own!!"

Bed Time Routine

Every Mom swears by this. Have a stable bed time routine. So if you want the child in bed by 8:30 PM start the routine by at least 8:00 PM

-- Give a Warm Bath or a Wash. This helps the Kid to relax. If you don't want the bath just wash hands, face etc.
-- Brush their Teeth
-- Change into NightDress
-- Read a Book. Do not give in to the kids demand and go on reading for an hour. Read for 15-20 minutes
-- Sing a song if your voice permits. My daughter allows me to sing only 3-4 songs , rest are so off tune that she prefers me to remain mum. Many parents said they chant hymns or recite slokas during bed time. That is a good thing too. Try to play some soft music if you prefer that. No "Krazy Kia Re" at bed time :)
-- Leave the room if your sleep time is later.

Day Time Naps

If your child is not sleepy by 8:30 - 9:00 at night curb his/her daytime naps. Day time naps should never extend to late afternoon or evening.
Try to include your child in some tiring activity, like running, jumping etc. in the evening. If the child has had along day at school don't force though.

Cool Tips

Sit next to them, and read to them rather than lying down. Do not give in to that inviting pillow and rest your head on it.

For the smaller ones massage with baby oil might be relaxing

Get a blanket as one Mom says " I have never had to sleep next to my kids to get them to sleep and I credit it all to the blanket :) ". Not entirely necessary, don't rush off to the Mall. If it works for you fine, all kids migh not need a blanket, for some a blanket or a toy is security.

One more Mom Wisdom "Make sure he/she stays in bed (even if it means you need to be there beside him/her), be firm about no talking back to him/her. He/She may talk and talk, respond only a bare minimum, do not encourage more conversation."

However remember that all kids are not same and neither are all Moms & Dads. So work out whatever works best for you and your kid. These are just some generic rules, work around them.

Some Links

Check out Tharini's Tale of Two Sleepers here. This is what she says describing her attempt to make Sathya (the second little one) an independent sleeper "Dear God...stay with this child and grace him with the comfort of sleep. Take my fears, and make me believe. And when I put him down after that, I did it calmly. I patted him for 2 minutes to get him to stop writhing about, and when he stilled, I gently walked out of the room. I listened outside the door for a few minutes"

Check Indian Mommies for some more useful links here

Useful Products that help at Sleep Time

Please let me know about CDS, Books that have helped you and I will update this

Leave comments/suggestions and this post will be updated

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A little more sleep..:)

[This post is written by Tharini from Winkie's Way]

Hi Girls..

This is proving to be a very active board indeed. Its so hard to keep up with merely reading the posts, let alone commenting. :) Anyways, its good to have something to chew on with my cup of coffee every morning.

A lot of discussion has already taken place on the sleep habits of our kids. I missed posting on time in response to Sandeepa's survey. Today I just updated my blog with our sleep story. And I just wanted to share the link:

Read it if you get a chance and have the inclination to dip into the whole issue once more. :)

CHeers!

To Sleep or Not To Sleep -- Part 2

Ranjinis post generated enough interest among fellow moms and inspired me to do this post

I think we could all share our sleep tricks (if any) or woes and weep on each other shoulders if needed :D
Though most of you have shared your experiences it would be nice if you could answer some of the following questions either in your comment or in a post

Does your child Co-Sleep ?

If NO -- When did you start the separete sleep routine and How ?

If YES -- Do they go to bed with you or have a separete bed time ?

What is your child's bed time routine ?

Many of you said bath. Do you give a warm bath just before bed time ? I give my daughter a good wash when she is back from school around say 4:30PM. Is it ok to give a bath again at bed time ?

How much time do you spend for the whole sleep thing including the bedtime prep routine ?

I need a good 8 hrs sleep !!

This post is by Ranjani of EAT AND TALK.

My daughter is 3 . She used to sleep in the crib the first 6 months( in our room). Then she started sleeping with us . So we attached the crib to our bed( removed one side of the railing) . SO she used to sleep till around 2 am in the crib & then crawl & come to our bed . No problem cos she didnt disturb us . Now also she does the same thing . But can she do it without the whining ..NO !! she will whine every 2 hrs after 2am in the morning, catch hold of my hair or hand to go to sleep..
She never got up so much at night when she was teething !. She is not teething , she is not hungry , thirsty . I read that if they whine at night it could be that they want to do pee pee. I ask her but she does not want to. As soon as she gets a hold of my hand , she goes back to sleep..
Its me & hubby who are wide awake.
Is it bcos she is getting dreams? I feel its just seperation anxiety at night .
If you see her during the day , you will not believe its the same kid i'm talking abt . She is not clingy , whiny during the day , plays with other kids nicely , does not have seperation anxiety during the day , polite, etc..But takes a whole new avtaar at night .
I dont know whether i will get a solution for this . Just feels good to vent out here :))
My hubby says its just a phase & will go away .
Thanx for reading if you came this far ..lol..

Please do not bash me for deciding to cosleep. If u have decided to let ur kids sleep in another room , i respect that decision too.