Of peas and stories

Saw this article at the blog Past, Present & Me.

The essay is by Monica Bhide and was in the Washington Post.

I am giving an excerpt here. Follow the link to read the entire beautiful essay here

"We sat on the floor and started by sorting the pea pods, his fingers working furiously to separate the little baby pods from the mother pods and the daddy pods. Some days we named the piles of pods for his school friends — Zack, Sam, Casey. Then we counted. Jai could count to 20 in Hindi by then, and finished counting in English. On a few occasions, we reached 30 together.

Then came Jai’s favorite part, the time for me to tell him stories — in Hindi. We always started with the story of the witch, the one who would come and make a home in your hair if you went out without drying it on a cold day. The story would somehow segue into what Buzz Lightyear or Spider-Man would do if he found this witch. (An interesting question, since we could not find a bit of hair on either of their heads.) Each story had a different ending, depending on which action figure was stationed next to Jai for the afternoon.

After the witch would come the story of an Indian princess who lived in a golden castle. I wanted it to end with her marrying a handsome prince. My son, however, would add his 4-year-old’s spin and American viewpoints. Sometimes the princess would be a doctor, usually a veterinarian, and would end up marrying Shrek. Other times, the gentle princess would be transformed into a superhero and I was pleasantly challenged to come up with the Hindi names for laser guns and robotic evildoers.

One day, Jai asked me, “Mom, apne kahania kaha see seekhi?”

Where did I learn the stories? Why, from Bahenjee, of course"

Working/ stay at home moms

Sorry if I'm raking up old leaves - I joined the club after this issue was thrashed out, but I have my two cents to put in. Before I begin, I apologise for boring the pants off anyone who has read through the debate/ heard it ad nauseum. Honestly, I don't know why this issue turns into an us versus them debate whenever it comes up - online or off. Maybe both sides feel vulnerable and get extra assertive to prove that they're in the better position.

I've been on both sides of the coin. I had to quit when I was 3 months pregnant due to having a job that required lots of travelling which I couldn't do due to complications. I didn't see the sense in joining a new place only to go on mat. leave in 6 months, so I stayed home for the duration. I did enjoy it for a while, loved the fact that I could sleep in and laze about, but it got old fast. All my friends were working women so it was very difficult to find someone to hang out with.

I've never been an overly maternal type of person, so it shocked me when I turned maternal after my son was born. For 6 months after he arrived, I stayed home, mostly because I couldn't face the thought of leaving him at home with a caretaker all day. Even though I was bored and longing for adult company. Somehow I just didn't want to only hang out with other moms, because I felt the conversation was too focussed.

Eventually a wonderful half day job fell into my lap and I thought - ok, let me try this out. Initially it was hard but eventually I got used to it, and he got used to having me go to office. After my daughter was born, however, a wonderful full time job, an opportunity I had been looking for, came my way. The office was (is) literally a 5 minute commute. I made sure we got another carer, so there would be enough hands on deck. And I began working fulltime after 5 years.

It's been just about a year since then. I have times when I'm so swamped by work that I don't even see my kids when they are awake. I hate that. Then I have times when I make a good presentation or a client likes my work. I love that. There are days when my husband is flying into town and I'm flying out and we meet at the airport. I miss PTA meetings. I like seeing my bank account grow and having money I can call my own. I enjoy the arguments and debates that form my work. Every day my feelings regarding working vs. staying at home change. On good days, I think - Yes! I can do it. On bad days, I type out my resignation letter.

When I look at my kids objectively ( and I am quite good at being objective, even about my kids), I don't see two neglected kids. I see kids who may spend a little less time with their parents than other kids do. But through his playschool career and even now, my son gets complimented on his great manners and the fact that he's rarely rough with other kids. I'm more finicky about their diet than many of the SAHMs ( I've posted a blog on this issue at http://foodandlaughter.blogspot.com/2007/10/indian-breakfasts.html.) I am very strict about how much television they watch, and what they watch. Even when I'm not home, my son knows what he is not supposed to do and why not - which is again something many of his friends who have SAHMs don't ( and I've blogged on that at http://we-are-like-this-only.blogspot.com/2007/06/what-do-kids-do-today.html). My son loves reading ( he's just learning) and my daughter looks like she'll follow suit. My son is trilungual and has an advanced vocabulary in all three languages. My husband is wonderfully supportive and he really wants to be an involved dad, so he does tons of stuff with and for them. On my days off, we paint together. We both tell him stories. I teach him the names of all the plants in our garden. We go to the park and play together. We have fun.

I have several friends who are SAHMs, and are doing a great job with their kids. They've put in the time and effort to spend quality time with the kids, teaching them stuff, playing with them and bringing them up to be good human beings, first and foremost. Sometimes I envy them their time with the kids, especially when my son has vacation from school and I have to go off to the office. That really hurts!

I think it's not a question of whether one is a working mom or a SAHM, it all depends on what you do with the time you get. I'm someone who honestly doesn't fully buy the 'quality time' argument so I constantly have guilt pangs about the quantity time the kids aren't getting. But contrast that with the non-quality but quantity time that many SAHMs provide, and I guess my kids are ok. I'm lucky to have my parents live nearby ( 5 houses away), so when they're in town, it's a great source of stimulation and family affection for the kids and a reassurance for me. But despite all the support systems, ultimately this is one debate that no one can win outright, because each one of us has to work it out for herself. And I'm not even sure you've won it even with yourself, because the feelings towards the decision ebb and flow with everything that happens ( at least they do for me.)

And so I've decided to take it one day at a time. Each day can be good or bad, and I'm just going to live with it. It doesn't sound like a very liberating, Hollywood crescendo of music decision. But it works. So far.

Wistfully....this Navarathri!

This Navrathri season has not been good for my spirits. No, indeed it has not. For everywhere I go, I see pretty little girls looking like absolute dolls, wearing their cute cute pattu pavadais and chaniya cholis, with all those sweet matching necklaces, and tinkly bangles and such interesting looking hair clips to hold back the little curls or the straight silky bangs. And dressed in all this finery, they have that perfect little gait, and also a little bit of awareness that they are looking different (just a little bit of awareness) that I could go on staring at them forever.

*exxaaaaaagggeeeerrraaatted siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggh*

Rainbow seeker than I am, I measured my options. Yeah so I have some. Right. A formal looking sherwani, with overriding sleeves and the silly tassles in the dupatta, when any day I'd settle for a simple elegant little cotton kurta. But then what? Nothing. That's all the choice there is! Forget accessories, forget hair clips, and definitely forget the gait!

Seriously. Living in a house full of Martians and I have all but abandoned any girlishness in me. Its all about roughhousing, and who climbs on top of who, and the sounds of the train going chuk chuk chuk or the noisy engine sputtering car sounds, or just plain and simple screaming like banshees....aaaaand cricket! Cricket cricket cricket! Bah!

I am in serious depression.

For all those who wish to cheer me up...two conditions apply:

1. No hints, teasers or outright suggestions that I can always have another one. Nah ah! Road closed, dead end, finito!

2. Mother of girls wearing their cute cute pattu pavadais and chaniya cholis, with all those sweet matching necklaces, and tinkly bangles and such interesting looking hair clips to hold back the little curls or the straight silky bangs, and walking with that perfect girlish gait.....stay away from this post! You are not my friends right now. From tomorrow maybe...?

And my dear dear Fellow Members of the boys' club...well come on over. Can I get you some tea? Or a hanky maybe?

For now, I am going off to find my best kancheevaram pattu, wrap it around my head and lie low till this storm blows over!

Introduction—Aryan's Mom

Hi, I am Aryan's Mom. Aryan is 13 months old. He is a naughty little toddler who maintains his own blog. Thus DMC will be the space where I would express and share my Mommy feelings.

I am happy to see active members in this group and I am proud to be a part of this community.

Subha
Here is the link to Aryan's Blog

http://www.aryan-mylife.blogspot.com

Siblings

When we were expecting our second child, we knew we had to be careful about how to break this into little A's world, since he had been the only child in the family for a good three years. We diligently spoke to him about the new baby and how it would be a great playmate for him, pointed to our own siblings and in general tried to reassure him that it would be a fun experience. The poor kid! First of all, when he came to the hospital the day of the delivery, his visit unfortunately coincided with my being wheeled out of surgery and in a state of general anesthesia-induced oblivion, which really spooked him out. Then, when he saw the baby, his face fell. This mewling, red, tiny little thing was expected to be his playmate/ friend?

He was really disappointed by the baby-ness of the new entrant, and the fact that I had to spend oodles of time with it didn't help, and neither did the fact that I couldn't play with him at the time, thanks to various reasons. He went through his share of tantrums and jealousies over the year.

One of the most rewarding sights to see, however, a year and a half after the baby entered our lives, is them interacting and playing together. Littler a watches her big bro in fascination and imitates everything he does, from sitting on the tricycle to trying to do paltis. And Big brother little a loves to entertain her with his crazy antics and make her laugh. He even insists on pushing her stroller when we go for a walk, hugs her when she cries ( usually when he's snatched back his toy that she has been playing with) and gives her a taste of whatever he's eating ( I really have to watch out when he does that, since many of the things he eats may not be ok for a toddler). My husband, A, took a great picture of them this weekend, which says it all!

Dosai Sandwich

Making elaborate meals is easy to deal with, plan a menu and start cooking and most times it somehow comes together alright. Except perhaps when cooking for a crowd when a few recipes that have been tried and trusted simply don't rise to the occasion. But well I was not intending to complain about slips in well planned meals. I was just trying to say that elaborate meals are easier to deal with than getting lunch packed for school that actually get eaten. So...

Always on the lookout for healthy but tasty and easy to eat, a snacky dosai sandwich fit this to T, another item that I often pack to school. Any spread that is a favourite would work be it cream cheese, peanut butter, honey, sugar or podi. One very good thing about using dosai is it does not get soggy like bread.

Ingredients
1. Dosai batter
2. Idli Podi, ghee
3. Sugar

Method
1. Make Small dosais
2. Spread some ghee on one dosai, sprinkle idli podi or sugar
3. Slap the other dosai on top


Pack it in a lunch box with loads of love and hope it will be all finished when the box gets home in the evening.

Also posted in Daily Musings

OTC Infant Cough & Cold Medicine Recall

[Also posted at my personal blog]

Several makers of OTC (Over the counter) Oral infant cough and cold medicines voluntarily recalled their products. This has created a panic in parents and I have received at least 3 emails from different sources. But the recall has been done voluntarily and is NOT mandatory or a safety recall, which means it is NOT due to a defective product. Here is what I found on a website that has information about Over-The-Counter drug safety:

The voluntary withdrawal of OTC oral infant cough and cold medicines was initiated by the makers of those medications out of an abundance of caution. This is not a mandatory recall or a safety issue.

• Kids’ OTC cough and cold medicines are both safe and effective when used correctly. Rare cases of overdose from misuse, however, have occurred—particularly in infants less than two years of age.

• Infants under the age of two are the most vulnerable to the consequences of this misuse.

• The voluntary withdrawal only affects oral infant cough and cold medications. It does not affect any other children’s medicines.

• OTC pediatric cough and cold medicines affected by this voluntary withdrawal are listed in the right column of this page, or visit http://www.otcsafety.org/.

I think these companies have taken a big, admirable step towards implementing safety where OTC drugs for infants are concerned. I can imagine the financial setback they will experience because this WAS a big market.

I do have a rather strong opinion about what necessitated this recall and maybe I WILL do a post on it - if I get the time. In short, I feel some parents tend to over-medicate children and THAT has compelled these companies to recall their perfectly safe products. It also means a slight inconvenience for parents who turn to these drugs only when totally necessary and at times when it is not possible to get a prescription from a doctor. Oh well. I am ready to go through that inconvenience if it means some other babies will be safer now.