I have been a wicked wicked person. I bop along, read all the posts greedily, and then saunter off without as much as a bye your leave. A lovely email from Sandeepa brought on those really hard to ignore guilt pangs, so here I am, posting on the wonderful theme suggested by Poppins mom. Something I think I really need to do, considering half the day goes in major self flagellation over being a terrible mom. So here goes.
Dear Kiran,
It has been four years and a couple of months since life as you knew it changed irrevocably. That is the word. Irrevocably. Nothing is the same anymore. It starts from your body which is now that of a mothers. No sleek concave belly allowing for a S shaped silhouette. Silvery lines crisscrossing the hips, thighs and abdomen. Breasts that have long been divorced from the word pert. And a lap that is meant for a little head to snuggle and sleep on. This is a mothers body. And you carry it with pride. You dont go around making excuses for not being perfect, because you are. Within you, you are now perfect and complete. The odd vaccuum you had within your soul has been filled. But now your heart and soul walks outside your body. And you are so proud of this little miracle come from you that your heart swells up and bursts with pride everytime you see him.
How you wanted a child, how you harrassed the husband. If there is one thing to be said about you, it is your determination to get what you want come hell or high water. You blinker out every possibility of a no. You switched doctors, you went to every specialist possible, you went through excruitiating tests and medical procedure, before finally, the two pink lines consented to appear on the urine test. It was shocking. The realisation that you were responsible for another beautiful human being growing inside you. That you would now, henceforth, never be able to think of yourself in isolation. That your identity would now change forever. You would be someone's mom. And you were grateful, that a soul had decided that your womb was worthy of nurturing it through to life.
When the brat was born you were terrified. Motherhood didnt come naturally to you. There were hiccups. You didnt know how to handle such a little child. You were so very afraid of doing anything wrong. And there were the issues at home. Prickly issues. You almost went insane with depression. But you pulled through. You soldiered on, because you were needed. For the first time in your life, you felt indispensable. And you knew you were.
Such a beautiful child. You felt you were not doing enough. You were a lazy mother. But in reality, you were an obsessed mother, your every minute revolved around the brat. His meals, his play, his bathing, his clothes, you supervised and did everything. You have friends who have hired maids to do everything for their children and suggested you do the same. To give yourself more time. You found that blasphemous. The child was your responsibility completely. Till today, you do everything, bathe, feed, clothe, pick up and drop to school, to therapy, to the park, to the mall, to birthday parties. You have devoted yourself 24 x7 to the brat. It isnt being insane and obsessed, and being a helicopter mother, it is knowing that no one will be able to handle the brat as well as you do. And you do it without even thinking about it, until someone points out that you have put your life and career on complete hold. And once the brat grows up a little, he wont need you as much, then what will you do with yourself. You will cross that bridge when it arrives, you say. Right now, he needs me. Right now, he gets all of me.
You sit and calculate whether he's got the recommended dosages of vitamins and minerals in his daily diet, whether he's got enough play, whether he seems happy and content in his sleep. Is he sleeping well, eating well? It isnt easy to put yourself second and you've done that without a murmur. So have most moms you know. And it is how it should be.
But yet, you are a strong woman. You fight for the brat. You believe in him and his abilities. His innate intelligence. His charm despite his tantrums. You believe you have a child who is a rough diamond. And you are doing all you can to polish it to a brilliance that will blind the world.
And at the end of the day, you know that all you are really doing, is repaying your debt to your wonderful mother. And still falling short.
You are a great mom. Even if you lose your temper a couple of times a day.
Love,
Kiran.
(This post by Kiran of www.karmickids.blogspot.com)
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Hello DMC members!
I have been chastising myself (and mentally apologising to Sandeepa) for being so late in taking action and becoming part of this wonderful forum of blogger mums. Well, no more putting it on the back burner... I am finally here and hope to do justice as an 'active' member :-)
So, hello everyone. I have been a silent onlooker of DMC for a while and really enjoy reading the posts, the tips and all that is close to the heart of all the members. Now for a bit of introduction. Originally from Calcutta, I have been in England for the past 5+ years since my marriage, had a baby girl there a year and a half ago, and have recently moved home across the pond to this very large country and spent a very busy 2 months settling down, settling my daughter into full-time montessori - AND just got a full-time job. I head back to an office environment after a very very long break (or so it seems despite being a 20 month gap).
As I am not quite sure about what exactly to start off with as my very first entry at DMC, I will take the easier way out and point you to my own blog site - which I infrequently update at Mimi's Space. In particular, I want to share my first entry on my blog site on Motherhood, as this was the column that got me started. I guess I wrote what was closest to my heart and this would probably give you a better idea of me 9 months into being a full-time mom at home! I have come a long way since then and probably gained much more confidence as a mother (or so she says!). But the feeling of wonder when I look at my daughter fast asleep or doing head stands, still leaves me thinking of motherhood as a huge achievement, a responsibility that always grows and an experience that simply cannot be beaten! I am loving it. So here goes (with apologies for being a rather long post!):
MOTHERHOOD!
The transition from being a full-time career woman to a full-time mother was more difficult than I had imagined. Like many women stepping into their 30s, the existence of the dreaded 'body clock' and its ticking seemed to suddenly hang over my head. The idea of having a child didn’t come naturally to me - even with my awareness of the fact that the time to start a family was probably coming close. I had always cooed at others’ babies and been happily willing to spend time in the company of little people. Yet somehow I was always stuck in that groove between ‘not sure if having kids is my thing’ and imagining the worst possible medical misfortunes that could befall us as parents.
And then of course there was the big issue of career. I had worked hard to get where I was... changing my profession and moving from print journalism to the business of academic journals - and that too in a different country altogether, following my marriage and the move to the UK from India. My work also took me to different countries, and I loved the opportunity of being able to squeeze in some 'touristy' outings in between my conference and meeting attendances. Not that I didn't complain often about the number of hours spent in front of my laptop or having to handle the temper tantrums and quirks of authors and society board members. Yet it all felt like the end of the world whenever I thought of having to put all of this on hold - albeit temporarily - to have a baby. How dearly would the hiatus in my work cost me?
My husband and I loved travelling and made sure we went away on regular holidays. I knew that packing our bags and leaving on a whim wouldn't be possible once we had a little one. We had been to Hawaii with friends who had toddlers and I remember the entire trip (almost) being shaped and changed according to how the little ones were doing. It was not easy.
So when was the 'right time'? Was there ever a right time to have a baby? Looking at those friends who had children I could only feel that they looked so right with their babes in their arms - though hugely changed! I remember a friend of mine telling me that all she could smell for the first four months of their first child was throw-up and poop... somehow clinging to her being like a badge proclaiming 'motherhood'!! And then there were other friends who firmly believed that having pets channelized all their maternal instincts and energy positively - without bringing about changes to their professional or personal lives.
But five years into marriage with a wonderful man who would make a great father, one couldn’t postpone the baby-phase for long. And then there came the day when the thought literally took seed. I knew my husband was ecstatic and just seeing him made me happy. It took me quite a few months to digest it all!! Was I happy? Yes and no... I was scared out of my mind. Now it was a reality and I was afraid of everything that could go wrong. And these days there were tests for so many things that could be done while the baby was in-utero. So we did...
We were told we would be having a girl. Somehow, it was the day I first saw the black and white scanned profile of her floating inside me that my feelings changed. Now I prayed that all would go well and our baby would come and fill a special place in our lives. There was also a shift in my attitude to work... yes, there was work and there would always be work, but there was probably a time for everything in life - all at the right time and in its own place. I knew I would get back to work sometime, but first there was a very important bundle to handle. The package arrived on 17th July 2006. She ruled our hearts from day one and lived up to her name - Ankita, the queen.
I won't kid you... it hasn't been easy. For all the love that I have for my baby, there are days when all I can manage is cry and sigh with relief when she has fallen asleep at the end of a rough day. I have swapped Powerpoint presentations with baby nursery rhymes and have taught myself to entertain, feed, clean and cuddle her all day long... and that can be exhausting (given that in this country one has to do every other household chore by themselves). At times I dream of taking off on a sudden trip, catch an afternoon movie - or simply go back to my old office to fill myself up with some grown-up conversation! But now, at 9 months of age, Ankita has started calling me 'mamma' and that's enough... that gets me going again! I know there is so much more to come - the list of challenges of child-rearing is long and bulleted (and sub-bulleted), but hey, so far what a trip it has been!!!!!
So, hello everyone. I have been a silent onlooker of DMC for a while and really enjoy reading the posts, the tips and all that is close to the heart of all the members. Now for a bit of introduction. Originally from Calcutta, I have been in England for the past 5+ years since my marriage, had a baby girl there a year and a half ago, and have recently moved home across the pond to this very large country and spent a very busy 2 months settling down, settling my daughter into full-time montessori - AND just got a full-time job. I head back to an office environment after a very very long break (or so it seems despite being a 20 month gap).
As I am not quite sure about what exactly to start off with as my very first entry at DMC, I will take the easier way out and point you to my own blog site - which I infrequently update at Mimi's Space. In particular, I want to share my first entry on my blog site on Motherhood, as this was the column that got me started. I guess I wrote what was closest to my heart and this would probably give you a better idea of me 9 months into being a full-time mom at home! I have come a long way since then and probably gained much more confidence as a mother (or so she says!). But the feeling of wonder when I look at my daughter fast asleep or doing head stands, still leaves me thinking of motherhood as a huge achievement, a responsibility that always grows and an experience that simply cannot be beaten! I am loving it. So here goes (with apologies for being a rather long post!):
MOTHERHOOD!
The transition from being a full-time career woman to a full-time mother was more difficult than I had imagined. Like many women stepping into their 30s, the existence of the dreaded 'body clock' and its ticking seemed to suddenly hang over my head. The idea of having a child didn’t come naturally to me - even with my awareness of the fact that the time to start a family was probably coming close. I had always cooed at others’ babies and been happily willing to spend time in the company of little people. Yet somehow I was always stuck in that groove between ‘not sure if having kids is my thing’ and imagining the worst possible medical misfortunes that could befall us as parents.
And then of course there was the big issue of career. I had worked hard to get where I was... changing my profession and moving from print journalism to the business of academic journals - and that too in a different country altogether, following my marriage and the move to the UK from India. My work also took me to different countries, and I loved the opportunity of being able to squeeze in some 'touristy' outings in between my conference and meeting attendances. Not that I didn't complain often about the number of hours spent in front of my laptop or having to handle the temper tantrums and quirks of authors and society board members. Yet it all felt like the end of the world whenever I thought of having to put all of this on hold - albeit temporarily - to have a baby. How dearly would the hiatus in my work cost me?
My husband and I loved travelling and made sure we went away on regular holidays. I knew that packing our bags and leaving on a whim wouldn't be possible once we had a little one. We had been to Hawaii with friends who had toddlers and I remember the entire trip (almost) being shaped and changed according to how the little ones were doing. It was not easy.
So when was the 'right time'? Was there ever a right time to have a baby? Looking at those friends who had children I could only feel that they looked so right with their babes in their arms - though hugely changed! I remember a friend of mine telling me that all she could smell for the first four months of their first child was throw-up and poop... somehow clinging to her being like a badge proclaiming 'motherhood'!! And then there were other friends who firmly believed that having pets channelized all their maternal instincts and energy positively - without bringing about changes to their professional or personal lives.
But five years into marriage with a wonderful man who would make a great father, one couldn’t postpone the baby-phase for long. And then there came the day when the thought literally took seed. I knew my husband was ecstatic and just seeing him made me happy. It took me quite a few months to digest it all!! Was I happy? Yes and no... I was scared out of my mind. Now it was a reality and I was afraid of everything that could go wrong. And these days there were tests for so many things that could be done while the baby was in-utero. So we did...
We were told we would be having a girl. Somehow, it was the day I first saw the black and white scanned profile of her floating inside me that my feelings changed. Now I prayed that all would go well and our baby would come and fill a special place in our lives. There was also a shift in my attitude to work... yes, there was work and there would always be work, but there was probably a time for everything in life - all at the right time and in its own place. I knew I would get back to work sometime, but first there was a very important bundle to handle. The package arrived on 17th July 2006. She ruled our hearts from day one and lived up to her name - Ankita, the queen.
I won't kid you... it hasn't been easy. For all the love that I have for my baby, there are days when all I can manage is cry and sigh with relief when she has fallen asleep at the end of a rough day. I have swapped Powerpoint presentations with baby nursery rhymes and have taught myself to entertain, feed, clean and cuddle her all day long... and that can be exhausting (given that in this country one has to do every other household chore by themselves). At times I dream of taking off on a sudden trip, catch an afternoon movie - or simply go back to my old office to fill myself up with some grown-up conversation! But now, at 9 months of age, Ankita has started calling me 'mamma' and that's enough... that gets me going again! I know there is so much more to come - the list of challenges of child-rearing is long and bulleted (and sub-bulleted), but hey, so far what a trip it has been!!!!!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Imagination
By
Priya
(Also posted on Dreaming in Suburbia)
What happens to our imagination as we grow up ? I mean, yeah, we keep imagining terrible life scenarios - you know the irrational "what if" questions - but creative imagination - what happens to that ?
The other day, my Kid drew a picture. Well, squiggled anyway. She had skies that were purple, and blue trees and yellow water. So I asked her why her colors were wrong. She looked up at me like I was crazy and told me that those were the right colors. That's how she wanted it to look. It just made me think, as we grow up, does our creative imagination slowly morph into whatever is the generally accepted public opinion ? (Sky has to be blue, trees have to be green etc). And does that extend to non-creative imagination as well ? I mean, do we, as adults with responsibilities ever really have thoughts or opinions that go against society's accepted norms ? (I'm talking about opposing society within reason here - NOT going-to-school-with-guns-to-fight-the-bully type things). More importantly, if they do exists in our heads, do we ever act on these ideas ? Aren't we supposed to call such people "crazy" ?
I've begun to believe that our creativity is slowly but surely replaced by cynicism as we grow older. Who has time to worry about whether the sky should be colored purple or blue in a world that confirms to Murphy's Law.
That's another reason why I'm thankful I have the Kid. For giving me a second chance to visit the lost places of my childhood, now buried somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind. Through her pictures. Through her innocence. Through her imagination.
Priya
(Also posted on Dreaming in Suburbia)
What happens to our imagination as we grow up ? I mean, yeah, we keep imagining terrible life scenarios - you know the irrational "what if" questions - but creative imagination - what happens to that ?
The other day, my Kid drew a picture. Well, squiggled anyway. She had skies that were purple, and blue trees and yellow water. So I asked her why her colors were wrong. She looked up at me like I was crazy and told me that those were the right colors. That's how she wanted it to look. It just made me think, as we grow up, does our creative imagination slowly morph into whatever is the generally accepted public opinion ? (Sky has to be blue, trees have to be green etc). And does that extend to non-creative imagination as well ? I mean, do we, as adults with responsibilities ever really have thoughts or opinions that go against society's accepted norms ? (I'm talking about opposing society within reason here - NOT going-to-school-with-guns-to-fight-the-bully type things). More importantly, if they do exists in our heads, do we ever act on these ideas ? Aren't we supposed to call such people "crazy" ?
I've begun to believe that our creativity is slowly but surely replaced by cynicism as we grow older. Who has time to worry about whether the sky should be colored purple or blue in a world that confirms to Murphy's Law.
That's another reason why I'm thankful I have the Kid. For giving me a second chance to visit the lost places of my childhood, now buried somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind. Through her pictures. Through her innocence. Through her imagination.
A "love"ly theme for February
(This post is by Poppins of Babies Anonymous)
A long time ago I promised Sandeepa that I would do the theme for February. And then I promptly went and got pregnant and forgot all about it. Until the gentle nudge from her :) Meanwhile I see that there's another interesting theme for February already floated by Priya (of priyainsuburbia.wordpress.com)
Well why don't we do both?
Here's my idea and it seems especially appropriate this month. Write yourself a love letter. A real honest to goodness love letter about what a wonderful mother you are. What a wonderful job you're doing with your kid(s). Whether you've given up a career to take care of them or whether you're balancing a hundred eggs all at once, you KNOW you are doing a terrific job. Sure, there's always something that you could've done better. There's always something to feel guilty about. But in the end, you know that you've done your very best.
Why don't we Desi Momz, banish the G word (G=GUILT) from our lives (OK atleast this month) and give ourselves the best valentines' day card ever? Go on, write that post, tell us exactly what you love about your parenting style! What have you done for your child beyond the call of duty? Give yourself a pat on the back (and let us do the same)
While you're at it, why not make a valentines day craft project with your child? Tell your child it is for Mamma, and be prepared to be surprised by the super enthusiastic response !
Ready? Don't forget to use the label " Theme for February"
A long time ago I promised Sandeepa that I would do the theme for February. And then I promptly went and got pregnant and forgot all about it. Until the gentle nudge from her :) Meanwhile I see that there's another interesting theme for February already floated by Priya (of priyainsuburbia.wordpress.com)
Well why don't we do both?
Here's my idea and it seems especially appropriate this month. Write yourself a love letter. A real honest to goodness love letter about what a wonderful mother you are. What a wonderful job you're doing with your kid(s). Whether you've given up a career to take care of them or whether you're balancing a hundred eggs all at once, you KNOW you are doing a terrific job. Sure, there's always something that you could've done better. There's always something to feel guilty about. But in the end, you know that you've done your very best.
Why don't we Desi Momz, banish the G word (G=GUILT) from our lives (OK atleast this month) and give ourselves the best valentines' day card ever? Go on, write that post, tell us exactly what you love about your parenting style! What have you done for your child beyond the call of duty? Give yourself a pat on the back (and let us do the same)
While you're at it, why not make a valentines day craft project with your child? Tell your child it is for Mamma, and be prepared to be surprised by the super enthusiastic response !
Ready? Don't forget to use the label " Theme for February"
Monday, February 4, 2008
Travelling with a 2 yr old - Tips anyone ?
We are leaving to India tomorrow. No ! I am not really excited.. I am actually dreading it !
It is a very short trip and we will mainly be shuttling between my parents place and in-laws place, travelling to 4..oh no 5 temple towns.. for various reasons I cant really begin to explain now.. and all of it within less than 3 weeks time ! Just talking about it makes me tired !
We also have a 6 hr wait between the flight connections.. ! I am planning to carry some of Rishi's favorite books and toys but I doubt that will be enough.. Does anyone have any interesting ideas/tips to keep my really energetic little one entertained at the airport, on the flight and in all our road trips ?!
Update: Setting all of this apart, I am excited about being able to see my family, eat my mom's food and do a ton of shopping ;)
It is a very short trip and we will mainly be shuttling between my parents place and in-laws place, travelling to 4..oh no 5 temple towns.. for various reasons I cant really begin to explain now.. and all of it within less than 3 weeks time ! Just talking about it makes me tired !
We also have a 6 hr wait between the flight connections.. ! I am planning to carry some of Rishi's favorite books and toys but I doubt that will be enough.. Does anyone have any interesting ideas/tips to keep my really energetic little one entertained at the airport, on the flight and in all our road trips ?!
Update: Setting all of this apart, I am excited about being able to see my family, eat my mom's food and do a ton of shopping ;)
Hiya folks
I've been lurking at DMC for what seems like forever and even when I started blogging I felt kind of a bit shy of joining (I never claimed to be very rational!). Now that I've made friends with some of you, it seems ever so comfortable, just like walking in to your favourite coffee shop to chat with your friends.
For those of you who don't know me, I'm from Delhi, moved to London when I got married and then to Singapore just before Squiggles was born. I have been working until recently and after almost a year I'm looking forward to going back to work. It's a different matter, preparing a CV never took this long before :).
I'm using this break to learn the guitar which is something I've always wanted to do. But I'm pretty crap at it (though I'm not letting that stop me). I've also realised managing a household is just not my cup of tea and I would much rather be out of the house in the park, gallery or wherever, just so long as no one is asking me 'What's for dinner tonight?' In fact, husband and parents are constantly badgering me to go back to work so I will stop eating their heads!
Blogging has been fun. There are so many things which maybe I would have noticed as a mother, marvelled at and then forgotten. But the pleasure and surprise at going back and reading some of my older posts is immense. And the other wonderful thing about it is meeting (virtually) so many wonderful parents who don't mind me going ga ga over my daughter, something I promised I would never do. Ah, but changing her mind is a woman's prerogative *winks*
Here's to many wonderful moments at DMC. Keep it going mommies.
PS: I blog here.
For those of you who don't know me, I'm from Delhi, moved to London when I got married and then to Singapore just before Squiggles was born. I have been working until recently and after almost a year I'm looking forward to going back to work. It's a different matter, preparing a CV never took this long before :).
I'm using this break to learn the guitar which is something I've always wanted to do. But I'm pretty crap at it (though I'm not letting that stop me). I've also realised managing a household is just not my cup of tea and I would much rather be out of the house in the park, gallery or wherever, just so long as no one is asking me 'What's for dinner tonight?' In fact, husband and parents are constantly badgering me to go back to work so I will stop eating their heads!
Blogging has been fun. There are so many things which maybe I would have noticed as a mother, marvelled at and then forgotten. But the pleasure and surprise at going back and reading some of my older posts is immense. And the other wonderful thing about it is meeting (virtually) so many wonderful parents who don't mind me going ga ga over my daughter, something I promised I would never do. Ah, but changing her mind is a woman's prerogative *winks*
Here's to many wonderful moments at DMC. Keep it going mommies.
PS: I blog here.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Valentine patchwork hearts!
Well, February is here and that decidedly means some craft time. And after more than a month, Winkie and me picked up scissor and glue and got down to some relaxing business. What triggered this was a cool craft idea delivered to my inbox in the weekly newsletter. This is how it goes...
MATERIALS
Scrap bits of 3 or 4 different fabricsGlueScissorsA cardboard cutout in the heart shapeThick cardstock paper
As you can see, very simple materials. I get very excited when nothing has to be bought and everything is available from some corner of the house!
METHOD
- Cut out some paper from the thick cardstock, to the dimensions of the card that you need.
Fold in middle and fold it back out again.
Glue on the fabric scraps.
Allow to dry, then fold in half again and cut out a heart shape, with the folding edge intact.
And there it is! A colourful fabric patchwork heart!
We are thinking of sending this as a surprise post to the grandparents, with a little inscription inside.
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