Calling for "Theme of the Month"

(This post by Sandeepa)

Let me first apologise for disappearing from the scene for so long. Unfortunately the "disappearing" act may continue due to some health reasons.



However I did feel the need to make a post to have the "Theme of the Month" at DMC go on. First let me thank Indo for having come up with a lovely theme for January. I have not been able to contribute for the December dare (which I really wanted to) or for this month either, but I did read the posts and thoroughly enjoyed them. I just lurked ;-)



Now I would like to have some volunteers for the next few months theme. Please leave a comment with the month you wish to take up.



Theme for Februray -- Initially I think Poppins Mom had volunteered. I will check with her.



Please volunteer for the next months. As ususal you can have any theme you fancy for a month.

Also I have been lagging in adding all those who have requested new membership. I will add you all as soon as possible.

Book Review: 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for 2-12 year olds

[This post is written by mummyjaan]

Hi, all, Desi Mommies.

January is nearly over, but Slowpoke Mummyjaan has finally had a chance to contribute to this months' theme. This handy little manual is one I like very much, and had wanted to write my review on it for some time. Many of you may be familiar with it - those who aren't might find it very useful. Here it is:

This is a highly successful book on parenting written by a clinical psychologist. It's a short and sweet book, under 200 pages and very easy to read. I was able to go through most of it in the course of a day, in between my various household chores.

The success of the 'program', (as the author calls it) is obvious from the book's cover: "875,000 copies sold", it screams. It also carries the testimonials of parents, teachers, counsellors, psychologists. All are unanimous in their praise of the effectiveness of the techniques that the book talks about.

I first came across this book about 2 years ago. I was working with a consultant who routinely saw children with behavioural problems and he would lend this book - and other similar books - to the parents. One of his assistants did a presentation about this book and the principles it advocates. It was attended by more than just the Paediatric Department - many nurses and office staff were curious to listen to it because they are all parents once they finish work and go home.

So I had read the book before Apya was even 2. She was too young then for me to apply any of this 'wisdom' - the key to dealing with younger children is being in tune with their wants and needs and being experts at distraction. However, as she grew up and became more vocal, more manipulative, more ... uh... more 'everything' and altogether too much to handle, I went back to this book to see what it could do for me. I haven't been disappointed.

With 4-year-old Apya, who has an extremely short attention span, but who can be singularly focussed on something she wants, I find the 1-2-3 counting-followed-by-time-out system highly effective. Apya has never had typical 'tantrums' - save an occasional one now and then. However, she is a whiner par excellence. She can repeat her request dozens of times until I stop what I am doing to give her what she wants. It is with this type of behaviour that the 1-2-3 tactic has been most helpful for me. I explain that she can't have what she's asking for because (insert fair and justified reason) and then I start 'counting' her. It has averted 70 percent of the headaches for me. (The other 30 % I'm working on....)

How does 1-2-3 Magic Work?

The book is divided into 3 sections:

Section 1 deals with techniques to stop 'obnoxious behaviour';
Section 2 offers tips to help youngsters develop healthy habits,
and Section 3 talks about building a loving, trusting relationship with your offspring.

In the introductory chapters, Dr. Phelan sets out explaining a few theories on which the rest of the book is based. The first thing he does is debunk the 'Little Adult' assumption. He argues that:

1. Children are not as reasonable as we expect them to be. Certainly not when we most want them to be.

2. They have short attention spans.

3. Which is why, arguments and explanations don't work. In fact, arguing with a child is a sure-fire way to lose!

And the most important concept:

4. The 'No-talking, no-emotion' rule.

No. 4. is, the author claims, the real secret behind the success of 1-2-3 Magic. Children apparently love the feeling of power that they get from seeing you riled up, and when they see that their bad behaviour is not in fact driving you up the wall and you are still in control, they check their bad behaviour quickly.

In a way, 1-2-3 Magic is a technique for the parent to keep his or her cool when faced with a child's disobedience or challenging behaviour. The author devotes a whole chapter to describing the half a dozen ways in which children try to get what they want (something the cruel parents are denying) and this is indeed a valuable read. The author calls these 'testing and manipulation tactics'.

I have not needed to apply the advice in Section 2 yet, but I think I will use the kitchen-timer idea (another favourite of parents) for some 'Start' behaviours of Apya's that are getting a bit difficult (preparing for bedtime, especially, always a big challenge in our house).

The book is simply written, and does not bore you with lots of theoretical stuff. Instead, the author uses common everyday scenarios to demonstrate the 1-2-3 'technique'. There are simple diagrams and summary boxes throughout, emphasizing the core points. All written in a pleasant, humorous way.

Overall, if you are a parent of a child over 3, you will find this book highly valuable, even if your child is easy to manage. There is nothing really 'magical' about it - time-outs are an age-old technique of successful, in-control, sensible parents. The only 'magic' about it is that as one parent claims, "Guess what, folks? It works!"

Books for kids

I'm not sure if the theme is books about mom-dom or books for kids. If it's the latter, i just blogged about it at my book blog, here: http://thehungry-bookworm.blogspot.com/2008/01/childrens-books.html . If the former, I read Allison Pearce's book some time back and while I enjoyed it, it also made me a little upset. Why did it have to be the mother that gave up her job? Why was there so much stress in the family when the father was not working and the mother was out full time? What bothered me was that it wasn't only about the woman's feelings about working full time and losing out on time with the kids, but that her decision to quit work was also impacted by how her husband was unhappy that she worked fulltime and he was a stay-at-home dad. I don't remember it all that clearly now, but it did seem like it was giving in to the stereotyped image of what a 'happy family' should look like - mother stay-at-home and dad in the office.

In fact, many books in this genre make me unhappy for the same reason - the mother who tries to juggle everything or to achieve some dream of her own eventually realises how shallow that is and how her dream is really to be around for her kids everyday and be playing Happy Cook when her husband comes hoem from the office. Why doesn't anyone write a book about a family which decides it's ok for the mother to go off and pursue her dream once in a while? Why doen't the wife and husband both decide to work shorter hours so they can both have a career and still be home for their kids? If the wife is doing better economically, why doesn't the husband decide he's going to be the stay at home dad?

Sorry to rant but it has always got my goat and not merely because I'm a working woman. I find the stereotypes about stay-at-home moms equally annoying - any book that focuses on them has to have the angle of hypercompetitive moms trying to outdo each other at the my kid is best sweepstakes. What makes it infuriating for me is that so many of these books are written by women for women.

A couple of interesting books.

By Shruthi of Hallucinations.

The theme for January immediately reminded me of a book I had read a while ago - Allison Pearson's "I don't know how she does it."

It is the story of a working mother. It is funny, sad, and incredibly chaotic. Kate Reddy, the protagonist is highly likeable but at the same time insufferable. Kate is torn between love for her job and the desire to be with her kids. Add to this, a feeling of profound guilt, and a long-suffering husband, and there, you have the story.

The book is a very good read. It doesn't preach working motherhood, nor the opposite. It just tells a story, it just gives you the facts. It is up to you to pick what you want from it. It is very interestingly written. Full of laugh-out-loud similes, and spot-on behavioral observations.

I read this book much before I even thought of having a baby, so a second read should probably be of more relevance to my life now!

While we are on the subject of parenting and books, I cannot resist mentioning Bill Cosby's Fatherhood. It is absolutely hilarious. Here are a few quotes from the book - it should give you an idea of what to expect from it.

Happy reading, and a very happy new year to you all!

Theme for January - Mom Baby books

Spur of the moment choice for 'Theme for January' - Mom Baby Books

Fiction or Non Fiction Mom Baby books that you would like to share with the Club. Reviews, recommendations and views on the book are all Welcome.


I'll start with a book I read recently and the original reason for this post.
Picked this novel from the library (Librarian's recommendation, a working mom perhaps!)

Piece of Work By Laura Zigman Amazon Link

A story about a stay-at-home being forced by circumstances to get back into the working world, sometimes funny, sometimes heart wrenching book about the choices to be made going back to work. Pick up this book if you are looking for something to read :)

PS: Since it is well into January and I am not sure if someone was assigned to do select a Theme for this month! If so please go ahead and override this theme.

Preschools - enlighten me please!

I really should know this by now. This whole preschool, kindergarten business in the US has me confused. I'd appreciate some insights from experienced parents.

My son is now 2y3m, goes to a toddler program, which is actually part of a private school. Today we saw his school overflowing with applicants for preschool registration, and it got me all panicky - was I supposed to fill out a form and stand in line? Since he is enrolled in the school already,I suppose he'll automatically be moved to the next class next year? I'll check this with his teachers. But what if I wanted to change schools? Should I have already prepared for that? And some general questions -

What age does preschool start?
What kind of preschools do you look for? Private or public or it doesn't really matter?
I have seen preschool programs in churches, local community centers - how are they better/worse than the private ones?

This makes me feel so unprepared! Any suggestions and advice welcome!

UPDATE: So it turns out I panicked unnecessarily - how typical!
I called the management office to figure out if we need to register, and we didn't need to. Because we were already enrolled in a full time program, he will automatically be moved up to the next level, as he grows older. Only the part timers need to re-register every year. This explains why I never got any kind of notice!

Thank you, Asha, Dotmom, GTN, Indosungod and Seetha for explaining the preschool
process in great detail. It will come very handy should I choose to change schools next year!

Bringing work a baby– Anybody?

Bringing work a baby .

An excellent article in Time.com that talks about, how companies in the USA, are now more open about having the option of babies at their cubicles. Sigh! Being a working mom I am so fond of this new system that would allow Kaju to be right next to me all day, all afternoon and she being taken care of just by me and not by anyone else. This sounds very utopian to me. Does it?

Personally, weighing all pros and cons I feel that it is not a feasible option after all. Some of the commenters do have some valuable points out there.

So all working moms of DMC, what say? Do you guys wish that you have your baby in your cubicle while you work?