Theme for August

There comes a time in the life of every Momz Club when the issue of Stay At Home (SAHM) Vs Working Mom (WM) cannot be left undiscussed. While both parties don't have any differences on the working part we of course have several opinions about the choice of being a SAHM vs WM. August being a hot month as it is thought I would pick a equally hot topic to discuss.

Theme for August - SAHM Vs WM

Do you feel vindicated as a SAHM when you wake up early one morning and realize your kid is sick and you don't have to do cartwheels as you watch the poor husband rushing off to his job?

Are you happy that you chose to be a WM when a seat in the sought after school opened up and you don't have to turn it down because the tution fee is most defintely going to put a severe dent in your wallet?

Do you feel extremely happy that your kids are not brought by strangers because of your well thought out decision to stay home?

Do you wake up every morning wondering why you put up with obnoxiousness of your coworkers when your child is being cared for by strangers?

Do you resent being a SAHM when your husband and friends are off climbing the corporate ladder while your qualifications and skills are rusting?

Do you silenty thank those parents who take the time to volunteer at your child's school while you on the other hand have to make it to that last minute appointmet with your boss?

Every decision that affects the family be it buying a bigger house, eating out, signing the kids for after school activities are more often than not colored by the decision we made of being a SAHM or WM. I think there is a good representaion of both in the Desi Momz Club to make this a healthy discussion. We will try not to pass judgements of one decision over the other.

It hopefully will be a lively discussion of why each of us made the choices we made. It will be very interesting to see the different perspectives and also teach us a thing or two.

Go On Desi Momz Club Members! Lets hear you!

Sleeping prince!

A post about A's sleeping habits ....

My (almost 3) son A, slept in his room in his cot from month one. A+ and me , both were quite comfortable and guiltfree in taking this decision. It was going fine. In the begining, I used to roam/walk in his room and put him to sleep. We both loved this part and things were just fine till the time when I was terribly down with chicken pox for one week. (me being one of those few unfortunate people who did not have pox in my childhood..it was AWFUL !!) During this phase, A+ was totally at a loss..with so many things to do...no help..small baby...sick wife...and he STOPPED this roaming-before-sleep-business..he says HAD to and I understand!
When I finally came out of this pox thing after a week , I was super amazed to find A being just PUT in bed after dinner ...and he was falling asleep on HIS OWN!! So after giving his milk around 8:00, he slept and we had some time to just laze on the sofa staring at the idiot box!
and the bliss continued......
till ...tilll...till....
I started feeling that the cot was too small for him now ( I am sure i heard him hit the sides at night)..and we must move him to a proper size bed! A+ kept on saying " its ok...he is not getting hurt..because he is not crying...so be cool D...things will automatically move forward as he grows..." . But I was in one of my "super-mom" states...so the end result ??..a new bed came....the cot was packed off...and H-O-I-L-A!!
NO!!!..things did not happen as I dreamt of.. A refused to sleep in his new bed! ABSOLUTE REFUSAL!! no room for any discussion.........he started sleeping with us..one big disadvantage of our master bed is that its actually two beds joined together with separate lifting mechanisms with all sorts of motors etc underneath(where the beds can be lifted for reading positions, for body massage etc)..so we were a bit scared to have A in between...anyway, changes were made by deactivating the move mechanism and stuffing the tiny gap with all sorts of bed sheets etc...
A was very happy...and slept on peacefully!! We were happy too in a way....but did not want to make this a habit. [ Most discussions ended in a way when A+ would have that "I told you so"looks ....]

We kept the "beautifying-the-bed" thing on.......


Now, as of today....things have changed a bit...A sleeps in his room (I go to bed with him)...but around 2:30 am he comes walking to our room with his winnie(pooh) and mac-queen(CARS) and his pillow !!When I take him to bed, I have the intention of putting him to sleep and coming back to my bed... I tell him a story..(he usually loves the story of Nemo or CARS)...and then kiss him goodnight and lie by his side...he keeps playing for a while and then falls asleep...but but but...by then the mama is snoring off to glory too ..all her intentions down the drain....
when the mama wakes up, its around 1:00 am..she sleepily walks to her bed...tries to fall asleep again....it takes some time...around 2:00 she manages to fall asleep only to be awoken by the sleepy A (WITH his family pooh, cars, etc etc)....10 mins....all settled...15 mins later I try to turn on my side and CRUUUUNNNCH...there goes the small hot wheels cars under my back....

life goes on...............We love every moment of it............

To end with two positive points:
1. When I open my eyes...the prince smiles at me and gives me the hug-of-the-day!
2. Everyone tells me..with age the prince will start loving his room and bed...so that will give us the 8 hrs sleep we love!

;-)))
Cheers...
DR

Help Wanted...

(This post by Sandeepa of Bong Mom's Cook Book)
Only a few days ago I had gloated about the “pleasure” in doing everything by ones self for the kids. The blog is jinxed as Kodi’s Mom would say and I am in desperate need of help now. Little S is sick with some viral infection, fevers are running as high as 102F/103F. It’s been like this since Monday midnight. Me and D has been alternating at home. I have no clue how I will manage the next week. Though my hours at work are less, I have to be physically present there at least if I don’t want to blow up all my leaves. The hubby has some people/client coming in next week and he can take off a day and half at the most. Sending S to school is out of question. Even if the fever goes down, she will be very weak because of her “satyagraha” activities. So I will in no circumstances send her to school next week.

The fever has made little S very clingy too. She tries to be cheerful in between but rest of the time she wants to lie down in the crook of my arms. So I lie and think of what I can write in my blog but never get around to writing it.

Also since I have a slight (ahem !) case of OCD, in middle of all this chaos I want to dust the top of the dresser and at the back of my head I have a thought that I haven’t cleaned up the stove top yet.

And what do I want most in such a situation? I want S to be in the comfort of home for at least 2 weeks even when she is better and I don't know how this can be accomplished. I also want some caring person who can watch her at the comfort of my own home or at least take care of the home, for just 3-4 hours while me & the hubby can fleet in and out of work. I see the smirk on your face, the glint in your eyes, the “I told you so”. Ok, but I do not know of any one who meets the norms so it’s going to be me or the Dad, but yes “Help” would have “Helped”…

We are just back from the ER since the fever was really high and the ped had taken the evening flight out to the golden days of vacation. All is fine it seems and there is some kind of viral going on causing high fever for several days. So the liitle girl is back on Ibuprofen.

Some lessons learnt in the process:

This is the first time S is running such a high fever and that too for so many days. So we got a little worried today. But it seems with certain viral infection fever can go up to 103F/104F for several (5-7) days. This is accompanied with loss of appetite and some body aches

Fluids, fluids and fluids. Easier said than done. Try giving a cranky, sick child fluid that has high calorie value and she is going to throw it all over you. But still try you must. The Doc said to give stuff like popsicle, frozen yogurt etc. too. I am not used to giving a sick child with stuffed nose, popsicles from the freezer but it seems to be ok. Also I was avoiding the milk though S wanted it, but again the Doc said to let her have it

No need to force feed a sick child though fluids are extremely important. Listening to my Ma I have tried feeding S Macher Jhol-Bhat (very light fish curry and rice), khichuri and lots of other things. All in vain and precious time was spent in cooking up such things. All she had was a little noodles smeared in Ketchup. It is very good if you can feed and the child wants to eat, else giving high calorie drinks might help

A bath helps. The ice pack on the forehead helps and the bath definitely helps too.

ER can be fine. I generally have a fear of all things medical. So when the Doc said I should take S to the ER I panicked. But it was fine actually. The hospital had a separate pediatric ER and it was cheerful and happy.

P.S: Does anyone know of any agency or something from where help can be hired sporadically ?

To be continued, so watch out in a day or two....

Pick your Own...

Trees are the earth's endless effort to speak to the listening heaven -- Tagore

Seeing Chandrika’s post made me do this. Yes, finally. I had a yearning to take little S to the orchards where she can get to “pick her own” fruits. Not that that would make her eat all her fruits with a glee but just because she would know that fruits grew on trees and not in Shop Rite. With my tomato and beans and okra (last year) plants she has got the hang of where they come from but she was yet to see a fruit laden tree from where you could pluck them. So since I couldn’t grow a fruit tree in my backyard I thought the best would be to take her to the orchards

Last week was pretty hectic with some unexpected but very welcome guests popping in and staying with us for the better part of the week. The guest was my friend with her 4 year old en route to India who had to stop and spend time at my place due to some messed up travel plan. Since it was summer but the heat was not overbearing we took the kids to an orchard near my home. The strawberry season was over and the peaches were just ripening to be picked, so peaches it was.

The rows and rows of peach trees were laden with fruits, there was fruit hanging from all possible branches and the kids had a fun time plucking them and plonking them in the basket. They ran through the trees, hung on the delicate branches (you are not really allowed to do that) and had a general good time.

Little hands picking the fruit

I would suggest a trip to these orchards a very good way to entertain your kids during summer. Its relaxing, exhilarating and reminds you of the days when you would climb up the guava tree and get a bunch of green guavas in the nook of your long A line frock.

Luscious Peaches

Some links to Pick your Own farms
Pick your Farm from here -- State by State listing
Pick your Farm in NJ -- NJ listings

(this post shared in part at Bong Mom's Cook Book)

Interesting Read..

I found this article while browsing yesterday - an interesting read...

http://www.imdiversity.com/Villages/Asian/family_lifestyle_traditions/wang_multicultural_parenting.asp

Invitations, cakes and the last day...

Posted by Sunita.
(It has also been published at Sunita's World.)

It's the kids' birthdays next month...a week apart from each other( an expensive month for us ;) ). But as this is their last week before the summer break, it meant that they had to give out their invitations a bit earlier...and that is what they did yesterday.

Last year, we had a joint garden party for them, but this time we felt that they both needed their own space and should celebrate it on their own special day as their friend circle has grown. I had really slaved a lot last year...getting organised, from many days ahead. But as luck would have it, I was taken terribly ill just a few days before the party. They had been really looking forward to it and would have been heartbroken...well, I too was...after all, it's only once a year. I somehow baked the cakes for them as I had promised...{ the pictures have been scanned, hence are a bit blurry :( }...
and on the day of the party, it was down to the handful of my close friends who saved the day... I was too weak and would probably not have been able to do it on my own if they hadn't pitched in...thanks to them, the kids had a lovely time with all their friends in our garden.

This year, we're taking things a bit slow. I'm a bit wary and so we've decided not to have the party at home. So we've hired a children's activity centre on both the days. The cake still has to be made though, and they have already mentioned the design they want it to be!!!
We made the invitations at home...I helped a bit with the layout and they drew the little pictures...
They were so excited to hand them out...some of them have already confirmed, but then, as they fall during the holidays, a few of them are going to be away vacationing, which is a bit disappointing for them, especially if that friend happens to be a special one...but well, that can't be helped, so...

Well, today is their last day before the summer break...on the reopening of their school, they will be in a new class with a new teacher...still can't help at wondering at what we all say quite often...'how time flies'...but it is true, isn't it...we are so caught up in the humdrum of our day to day life, that only on reaching a milestone do we realise as to how time has really flown by...

Nature Deficit Disorder* and Summer Time

Nature Deficit Disorder
(* word coined by author Richard Louv who wrote the book
Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder)

Not so long ago the biggest worry Parents had over the summer was to keep kids from getting too much sun on their heads. Summer was for lazing in the sun exploring the interesting things around the house and looking in nook and cranies or if you were like most kids the exploration happened at your grandparents house where all semblance of rules or regulations were thrown to the wind. Meals times were for special foods that you craved for. Bolt! Clap! Thunder.... Well I was day dreaming there for a while or maybe it was the sound from DDs computer game. What parents worry about today is that kids these days are having less and less of unstructured time. No spontaneous games or role playing so much so that kids left in the playground to play by themselves or not able to do so, they need rules and regulations. Well I won't go on and on, this topic is HOT as it is.

What as parents can we do keep to bring this deficit down? My favorite season to work on it is during the summer. There is no excuse of bad weather to keep cooped indoors in front of the many electronic equipments we can't live without. Though DD suggested the idea of summer camp, I begged my mother to come and stay with us for the summer so DDs can have a relaxing, carefree time without worrying about too many planned activities. What this has done to their time is,

They wake up at their own covenience, eat a slow breakfast, take long walks, catch some butterflies, with a fish net they fished from the basement, figure out if the butterfly will survive if it is kept in a closed box and should the holes for them to breathe be big or small. This amazingly keeps them occupied for hours together which no video game has the power to do. Rarely have I heard the the oh so familiar whine "I am bored". Eat a relaxing lunch, laze around in the afternoon and then some bicycling in the evening followed by catching lightning bugs as the sun goes down, do some research about the creatures living under rocks, though all of the activities do not happen on the same day it keeps them occupied for most of the day. Being outdoors so much makes them notice things, I was delighted when I heard DD analyze the different colors of purple found in nature, as luck would have it purple is her favorite color and even if I buy flower bulbs of differnt colors and shades they are the only ones that bloom and recently she happened to see a brinjal flower. But this fun is different then the ones we had, we roamed around the whole village just stepping into the house during meal times.

A crow cawing on a bright sunny morning and usually happens when I am driving out to work, brings on a longing for those summer days of my childhood in my grandparents' house and a guilt that DDs don't get to have that experience of swimming in the rivers, swimming in wells, fishing in the ponds, climbing on mango trees and being bitten by ants. Sometimes the trees we climbed on and the wells we jumped into belonged to people who did not want us there and we got chased by these angry people with a stick in hand which was a game in itself. I have no recollection of ever being caught by these angry people though.

With my mom here, DH's aunt visiting us for this week and DD's friend here during the day for 2 weeks we have a full house and it is such a joy and this is what I miss the most about India the PEOPLE.

I was listening to the Diane Rehm show on WAMU when I heard author Richard Louv talk about his book Last Child in the Woods and it struck a chord but that was a long time ago but what brought about this bout of introspection was the news of Lady Bird Johnson and reading and about her tireless work for conservation and love of wild flowers.

Sandeepa has posed the question if DD missed not going to camp? Her answer was "I have never been to a camp". But DD's friend answered the question to her mom last summer. She wanted to stay home and not go to camp which required keeping a schedule. unScheduled unHurried is what makes them happy is my final conclusion


Also posted on my blog Daily Musings.