In My Daughter's Eyes...

I do not listen to much of Country but this song touched a lot and it is such a beautiful song, I want to dedicate this to all the mothers with Daughters and otherwise also...My mom is my best friend and am very lucky to have her! If I could be just one percent of the mother of what she was to me, I have achieved something!

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I want to be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
Everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light
And the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
Gives me strength when I'm weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
Is had enough
It's givin' more when you feel like givin' up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
I can see the future
A reflection of who I am
And what we'll be
And though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone
I hope you'll see
How happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

* A Martina McBride Song.
Song is here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLS0Y40WwlA. Please listen as it is such a beautiful one!

Happy Mothers Day to one and all!

Views on Mothers Day for Hindustan Times

Hello Mommies, I got a mail from Riddhi Shah a journalist, who wants your views on Mothers Day. Please mail her at riddhi.s@gmail.com if you have anything to share

Dear Desi Momz,

I'm a journalist with the Hindustan Times in Mumbai and I'm working on a story about how mommy bloggers are planning to celebrate Mothers Day this year - on their blogs, at home, with other bloggers etc. So I was wondering if the folks over at DMC would want to speak to me? I'm working on a short deadline so I hope to hear from you soon. Thanks!

Cheers,
Riddhi

Potty Training - how we crossed the bridge

(This post is a condensed version of the one I posted at my blog a while back. Sandeepa thought it would be useful here, to benefit other parents in this phase.)

Last year, Operation Potty started with grandeur and flopped miserably. In post-analysis, several reasons were cited for its failure:

• Kodi hadn’t fallen into a peeing/pooping routine - it was still random and unpredictable.
• We always seemed to miss the timing by just a few minutes.
• We might have had some success if we sat with him long enough in the bathroom, but I had no patience for prolonging that bathroom time. After all it was summer, time to be playing outside, not sitting in the toilet all evening.

But though I shelved it for summer, I didn’t really stop trying. Every weekend we were home and whenever we fancied, we’d put him in underwear, but it was really no use. It was the same over and over. Missed timing, accident, cleaning up, frustration. Then my first trimester came and I was too exhausted to even think potty training, so the whole idea was scrapped again. During Christmas break, I revisited the topic one more time, with a lot more determination and resolve. We had to find what we were doing wrong and had to break the endless cycle of missed timing.

So I went with the tried and true method - bribing. If bribes can get you college admissions, surely they can buy you potty training?! We re-explained the whole process to Kodi - of how only babies use diapers and big boys use the toilet. I might have repeated a hundred times about how he should tell me and where he should pee. After revisiting the basics, we introduced the bribe. ‘Kodi, you pee in the toilet and you get 1 Barney sticker, you poop and you get 2. Deal?’ He sounded intrigued. It was the first time he was being rewarded for anything, so more than anything, he was curious about this whole game, I think.

Then it required a lot of discipline from us -

• The first step was to take the diaper off and forget it even existed.
• The second was to leave him free willy. This was not possible - it was winter, so we went with underwear and regular clothes on top.
• The third was to come up with some pattern of timing. I was frequenting the loo so many times a day anyway, so why not time it to my visits! And thats how it started - every time I had to go, I would let him go first. And if he wasn’t successful, we tried again in half hour, if he was, he’d get a huge cheer and a sticker.
• The fourth and most difficult was to brace ourselves for more accidents, and be patient when it happened, instead of giving into frustration and temper. After all, he was not doing it on purpose.

Unlike our previous tries, this method worked like a charm, right from the start!

My theories on why it worked…

• The lure of Barney stickers. We got out a fresh notebook for him, he picked the sticker he wanted, I put a date next to it, and a ‘good job’ with a star, made a huge deal and made him show it off to Bapa and all that. If he told us before he had to go, we doubled his bribe amount. Often during the day, I’d show him the notebook and marvel at how many he’d got already. That appealed to his vanity. The bribes made him feel it was worth his time to cooperate with us and try.
• His body was more regulated now, he was somewhat predictable.
• It was a case of I want to be a big boy
• Two and half seems to be some magic number around which a lot of toilet training comes automatically. So in the end, Barney might have helped only with motivation, the rest might have been his own readiness.

I told his school that he seemed to be doing well and they gave it a try too. First couple of days, they kept his diaper on, and took him to the restroom every few hours. That worked, so they switched straight to underwear and we skipped the whole training pants phase! They used a diaper for his naps the first few days, but that turned out to be unnecessary, so now he is diaper free at naps as well. We use a cloth diaper for nights.

A couple of weeks of diligent work both at school and at home, and he was able to tell us before he had to go. For now, he can be considered potty trained. There are still occassional accidents though -

• When he is thick in the middle of playing and waits too long. This happens more often in school than at home.
• Even when he is not playing, he still won't tell his teachers before he has to go, they look for signs of him squirming and fidgeting, and end up taking him. Any suggestions from other parents on how to overcome this phase?

Hope this helps others who are in a similar boat. I recently read another mom's approach to the problem - check out Noon's potty training tips.

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Some very useful suggestions that came out of the comments section:

Poppins suggests training underwear for kids who have just started, but aren't ready for long outings. "They are washable, reusable cloth underwear with absorbable material inside. It doesn’t fully absorb but absorbs enough to prevent an embarrassing dripping accident. No point in making me feel ashamed at school. You get them at Mothercare. "

2B's Mommy shares her experience "if you train intensively over 2-3 days, then that’s all it takes for the toddlers to get nappy-free. That’s how it happened with both of my kids, I just picked a weekend when I had not planned anything else and they were almost trained by Monday. But I did inform at their daycare a week before, so that they could put them on the toilet seat every hour to get the child used to the toilet seat and they had already had some success before the weekend. I think the kids learn when they watch the other kids using the toilet at the daycare."

Sandeepa's tips for traveling "..while travelling, don’t worry, you/the hybby can hold him to do his job. Till last year anyway I was not comfy with S going to public toilets in rest areas and so held her, which was uncomfortable but..sighh. For the hotels etc. you can carry the toilet seat."

CA recycled stickers at home "..I just used the address stickers sent from various organisations that were just piled in the house for potty training rewards."

Lavanya shares her experience "...i guess when children near their 3rd year, they r able to say before they pee, give or take a few months. and i would like to add that using diapers only when going out will not harm the training, becoz again, u can keep telling them that diapers r only for outings. my daughter was in this diaper-for-outingonly stage till she was three and when she started going to KG1(2 months after she turned 3) she was out of the diapers once for all."

Kiran's words sum up the trick to the whole deal .."What worked, I am told, was peer pressure. The other kids go to pee and tell the teacher when they need to poop. And he learnt. When the body is ready, the child will learn."

Siblings

A little late to this party - have been busy with the baby shower and with manufacturing more siblings for my son :)
I have posted about this quite often on my blog. I think having a sibling is one of the best things that could happen to a child. There are so many benefits, from the ones for the parents ( i.e. free time because the sibs are busy playing/ fighting with each other) to those for the kids themselves - they learn to share, they learn to stand up for their own rights, they learn to watch out for those weaker or younger than them...most of all it is the emotional bond between the two which is the biggest reason to have more than one child. My son has grown up so much since the days that he used to get jealous of the attention his baby sister got - now he's her protector, even against us. He finds it so easy to share even his most favourite things. I think the festival of Rakhi has come to mean more to me because of the way my two have bonded.

Some of the things that I think we did right:
1. Involved him from the beginning when we conceived Puddi - took him for the ultrasounds, let him feel her kicking around. Of course, we may have overdone the up-talk about having a new playmate because when this small, wailing, poopy thing emerged after the long wait - boy was he disappointed.
2. We divided and conquered - A got some paternity leave and spent most of his time with Chubbocks. I had to go for daily physiotherapy sessions for a broken ankle so we always took Chubbocks along so he would get some time alone with us, sans baby. Even now, on some weekends, we plan activities that she can't participate in so gets some time alone with us.
3. We never compared and contrasted and thankfully neither did any of our visitors.
4. We were watchful but we also let him help with the baby - bring her bottle or diapers, button her shirt etc.
5. Most of all, we were as patient as we knew how when he went through a jealous phase - listened, paid him more attention, tried to explain, let him work it out. That I think was the most important - had we become judgemental or admonitory during that phase, the jealousy might have continued.
That's about it and the way the two of them are going, I think they'll be fine company for the third one - and hope we poor parents, soon to be outnumbered - will survive to tell the tale!

Bhai

Cross posted by Squiggles Mom here.

Bhai (brother in Hindi)

Bhai and I have always been close. Despite the 7 year age difference. Or maybe because of it. I remember being advised of exactly what boys thought about when they were talking to girls. And yet my head was unceremoniously buried under a pillow during the age inappropriate scenes of 'Pretty Woman' and 'Basic Instinct'. Bhai would discuss his relationships though he wouldn't kiss and tell. We would talk about anything under the sun. He's the one who introduced me to Western musicians and told me to like it if I wanted to be cool :). I turned to him when I needed a shoulder to cry on. I went clubbing with his friends and him. We have been drunk together. It's that kind of relationship.

And yet, as he faces the toughest challenge of his life, I find myself looking for excuses to bring up the thing that I know disturbs him the most and yet not finding any. I know that talking about it brings him pain and anguish, so I let it be. And yet I know the problem continues with no solution in sight and I long to talk to him, to understand what he's going through. For my peace of mind. And maybe to be of help.

Temperamentally we are very different. I'm the firebrand. The one who always knew what she wanted and went after it. I was never too bothered about what my family or friends would think as long as I was convinced of the rightness of my path. He, on the other hand, has always been devoted, and the ideal child. Always concerned about how his actions will be viewed. Making sure that our parents were happy and their dreams for their children fulfilled. The 'good' boy. Popular among all our family and friends. Leaving me feeling many a time jealous of his easygoing nature and his ability to attract people.

The last few months have been tortuous as the reality of his situation has become clearer to us. Clearer, only because it has become too much for him to bear, and he has chosen to share. But that too in snippets. All of us feel it acutely and yet don't know how to help him. He doesn't want to talk about it. I feel helpless. We all feel helpless.

You're wondering why I'm writing this now. Changing the pleasant tones of this wonderful blog. Because I need to say this to him (even though I know he won't be reading this) -

"If you need someone to talk, without judging you, or forcing you to take action, then you know where to find me. I love you, Bhai".

I can't say this to him directly though I talk to him about random other bits regularly. It's one of those things. But I'm so glad I have him and I know that I can depend on him anytime. And he has me. Always. That's what siblings are for. This is my parent's best gift to me, ever.

Squiggles Mom

Sibling memories: Artichokes!

My sister and brother can get away with a lot...mostly because I remember my first cooking experiment and how they took it. I must have been ten, enamoured by my mother's glossy Life-Time recipe books, and insistent that I cook myself. After a long afternoon's work cooking up an artichoke, I served it to my siblings, who dutifully ate them. Then I tried...and realized I'd really not cooked the tartar sauce properly. Yeuck!! Full points to S&D for chomping away and not complaining at all! It's amazing how siblings can surprise you. These were the same big brother and sister who would chase me around to tickle me till I cried!!

Thought I'd share a new recipe I tried out with artichokes. May be a little off the beaten track for the blog, but fun if you have a moment to try something gun. This artichoke effort came about because my son K read a Pinky Dinky Doo book that featured the interesting-looking veggie and decided he needed to try it. Poor hubby got sent out last night to find a couple (he tried three stores) and I scoured around for recipes. Serendipitously, friend Aparna mailed me an Italian recipe book that gave me a couple of ideas and the following was the result.



Ingredients:
Two medium sized artichokes
Olive oil
Lemon
One egg
Breadcrumbs


Stuffing:
Half pound minced turkey
Two tomatoes
One onion
One egg
Salt
Pepper
Pinch of turmeric,
Garam masala and chilli powder


Sauce:
Garlic
One onion
Two teaspoons diced garlic
Pasta sauce (one medium bottle)

• I prepped the stuffing as I normally would, i.e., with an Indian twist.... I started by frying diced onions till golden, mixing in the diced tomato, and when it all starts simmering, mix in the minced turkey and cook till the mix is dry
• Cool the mix, then mix in one egg so the stuffing hangs together
• Start prepping the artichoke. This means the following:- Slice the stem off, being careful not to cut into the artichoke flower- Pull off the outer bracts (the "petals" as the kids called them) till you get to the softer bracts- Chop the top of the floweret, so it has a stright edge on the top. Nip off the tips of the bracts that still have tips- Open out the flowerette, till you get to the central core. Gauge the tenderness of the central bracts, but I found that the center has to go. It's pretty sharp and hard- Having effectively created a cup for the stuffing, it's best to run water through the flowerettes, then squeeze lemon juice over them - this prevents discoloration
• Put in the stuffing into the artichoke "cups", patting it down nicely so it's packed in well (the kids loved doing this)
• Beat the extra egg, and dip the top of the stuffing and the encircling edges of the artichoke bracts in it. Then dip it in the bread crumbs (dad loved doing this!)
• In a large pan, heat oil, then put the srtichokes face-down (stuffing side down) in the oil so it fries nicely. Once the tops are brown, take them off and cool
• Start the sauce: fry the garlic and onion and pour in the pasta sauce, and bring to a simmer
• Put the two artichokes in a pot, pour the sauce around them and cook on a medium flame for about 40 minutes (that's right!!)
• This was a complex job, but tactile and hence lots of fun for the kids. The unique look and feel also made this an interesting eating experience for the kiddies. They loved the stuffing, and liked the bite and pull technique needed to get the flesh off the bracts. It reminded them of the Muringa (also called drum-sticks in India) that I use in my sambars!

Roopa
rooparecipes.blogspot.com

Sibling Rivalry - how we tried to keep it at bay

[This post is by mummyjaan of Apya and Bubbu. It took forever to write because I got sidetracked by lots of other things, including a few trips around the country, and this past week the baby shower was just too exciting to miss :), so I apologize for posting almost near the end of the month.]

When I had my second child, my older one was a few months shy of 3 years old. She had been used to being the centre of attention, and I had several worries on my mind, but the most important concern was: how would I make sure she wouldn't feel left out? and how would I make sure that if she harboured any resentment, she wouldn't take it out on the baby?

Looking back at those early months, I think we weathered those days pretty well. Not to make this post long, but these were some of the ideas we tried and found useful, and some memories that I would like to share with you try not to get bored now :

1. A gift for the big sister close to the time of the birth. This was advice given by many friends; my opinion: it worked, in so far as it made her happy. (My husband got her a small toy kitchen - it was perfect at her age - she loved it and spent many happy hours cooking and serving us).

Our friends suggested telling her it was a gift 'from the baby', but that would have meant a blizzard of questions from my inquisitive chatterbox, so we preferred 'a gift for you on the occasion of the new baby'. This was accepted happily without question.

2. We brought Apya to the hospital often to see the baby and spend time with her. She absolutely loved it. ("Let's take her home, Mummy, why don't we go home now?" on Day 1). She was totally fascinated by Bubbu's tininess and loved to look at her, hold her, talk to her, and cuddle her. She wanted to do everything: feed her, change her nappy, etc. so it was a bit difficult to 'control' her, in a way.

My mom was worried about having a 3-year-old close by the baby and would screech and gasp often ("Ohhh, she might hurt the baby" - that sort of thing) whenever Apya got too close to her. I didn't see what the fuss was about, and let her come close as often as she wanted to, after explaining to Apya that she wasn't allowed to push her, hit her or sit on her, but she could pretty much do whatever else she wanted - under my close supervision, of course. My mom found this rather careless and permissive, but if you look at it from my point of view - I trusted my older child - that she would not do anything to harm the baby, and in retrospect, I was glad I had not applied any restrictions on their interaction. It helped her become attached to the baby.

I did have to be more watchful of my older one when she was tired or cranky for some other reason - we dealt with some pulling arms and over-enthusiastic kisses and cuddles which made baby cry and that sort of thing.

3. Long before the baby was due, we had begun talking of her as "our baby", including Big Sister in the 'our'. Very often, we referred to her as "your baby" and "your baby sister", thus trying to reinforce that sisterly bond. I really think this was our most helpful strategy.

With the result, Apya really did think of the Bubbu as 'hers' from an early stage; we, the parents, in her opinion, were rather like caretakers, but it was 'her Baby'. This made her quite as protective of the little one as we were ourselves.

For instance, I would be reminded to pick the baby up if she began crying, or she would let me know that the Baby had woken up and was scratching her face.

She was over-enthusiastic and would insist on changing the baby's nappy or her clothes. When I explained that she was too little, she would become quite downcast. Finally, I reached a compromise by letting her fasten the tab on one side of the nappy or letting her button up the last one or two buttons on the baby's clothes. It made her feel as though she was doing something.

4. Be watchful when the older one is tired. Apya went through a phase when she tried to bite Bubbu. This was when the baby was about 4 months old. I just never left them alone at those times. (After the first warning bite, that is :D, which, fortunately, was a gentle one). Some days, I had to be very vigilant, but that was it. This was probably "the phase" when her jealousy came out, only she didn't know how to express it.

5. As they grow older, I notice that when I lavish too much attention on the Bubbu, Apya's expression changes - when I then shower her with the same attention she brightens up.

6. This point should have gone first, really. Having my parents around for Apya was a tremendous help. I am convinced I would have really struggled without them. While I looked after the baby and myself, my parents looked after my older child (and husband), fed her them ;), played with her, kept her occupied. For the first couple of months after the birth, I did little for my older child except read her a story and put her to bed at night. Hubby took over her bath-times and taking her out to play.

As Trishna mentioned in her post - that she would like to have a little sibling for Aadya - I know I had no. 2 because I really wanted my daughter to have a younger sibling - preferably a little sister. In that respect, we were blessed. It's wonderful to see them play together. I don't even mind seeing them fall out with each other now and then - they make up soon enough.

Certainly, I went through a phase where I thought one child was enough. With one, my yearning to have children was completely satisfied. However, as she turned two, my husband and I both felt that we couldn't always amuse her whims - it became apparent that a child needs another child. Preschool only partially filled the gap. I remembered my own childhood and teenage as an only child and thought, if I can give my children this gift - the affectionate bond of sibling-hood - why shouldn't I?

I am so glad they have each other.