When I was pregnant with my daughter (now 2 years old) one of the big decisions my husband and I faced was about "Daycare or homecare or Nanny". We eventually went with a daycare. The thought process was it was regulated, would be safe, I mean how could we trust our little baby to a single individual who we barely knew? What if this nanny turned out to be Cruella in disguise? It didn’t help that we would see stories on the news about nannies pushing kids down the stairs, shaking them and hitting them! Now hang on - before you pounce on me for this… read on and you will see that these are probably rare cases, but as all the mom's out there know and moms-to-be will have to take my word for - it's different when you hold that little baby in your arms… the sky falling on your angel's head suddenly becomes a real problem you need to worry about! Anyway, back to the big decision - I have tried to summarize what made me decide to go with daycare and after my daughter going there for a year and half, what I would do differently if I knew then what I know now.
Daycare:
First and foremost in this section, I must mention there is a vast spectrum of daycares. From the excellent to the quite shady. I have been lucky to find an excellent daycare for my daughter. She goes to Bright Horizons. I know they are a chain, I do not know if all their branches are equally good. I signed up for it a week after I found out I was pregnant. They are so good and popular with parents here, I still was waitlisted!
+ Excellent variety in activities
+ Year round coverage.
+ Experienced teaches several with nursing degrees
+ bright, clean
+ Exposure to different people and children
+ If one teacher is out sick, they have a substitute for her. I don’t need to find back up care.
- Exposure to many other kids and adults, so the child falls sick VERY often
This really is my only con to daycare. My daughter started daycare at 6 months when my parents returned to India (sometime in Aug). Between September and November she had several ear infections, pneumonia, bronchitis, bronchiolitis and goodness knows what else I have forgotten now!
My daughter is now 2 and I think even if I were to leave my job, I would like for her to go to daycare. She has music class (not really a class, but a teacher plays the piano and sings and dances with the toddlers), gym, goes on walks to a nearby duck-pond to feed the ducks. She has learnt in daycare to put her plate in the sink (yes, they have tiny sinks toddler height), clean the table clean after she eats and a whole lot of other things I would never have expected my 2 year old to do!
Nanny:
My husband and I did not really explore this option too well. We had this prejudice as to how it would not be safe, how can we trust our baby with this one individual? Yeah-yeah nanny-cams etc exist but they are not foolproof.
+ Child stays at home in a familiar environment
+ Not exposed to many outsiders, so will probably not fall ill quite as much
+ I have been told Nannies do laundry and wash and sanitize bottles, etc. This used to take up a lot of time for me and I think having help with this would be huge plus.
- Nanny may fall sick, need vacation, will you find back up coverage then?
- Can you really find someone you trust to leave your house and baby alone with?
I did meet a lady who had found herself an Indian nanny. Basically and elderly lady who could not drive (yeah a big factor, at least you know the baby is not leaving the house without your knowledge, or your moppet is not a ring-side spectator to the nanny and her boyfriend making out). Her nanny also made rotis and a vegetable for dinner, but most of us are not so lucky. If you do happen to have someone like this, stop reading right here, and confirm employment for the nanny!
Again what you pay for a nanny varies, there was one lady I had spoken to who charged $2800 and health insurance was negotiable! I have heard from friends that in the Portland area one would typically pay about $1500-1700 for a nanny.
Homecare:
This option is typically a stay at home mom, who cares for a few other children in addition to her own. I would love to hear from others about this option. I think it has some cons of both daycare and nanny and again some benefits of both.
+ Less children (I would think 3-4 at most), Less children means your child will fall sick less often than at daycare
+ Will probably be more flexible timings.
- Still need to find alternate coverage when the caretaker is ill or on vacation.
My daughter A started daycare when she was quite young. Around the age of 1 she would cry every morning when I dropped her off. I felt miserable and even took 3 months off from work. I think in hindsight me keeping her home made her take longer to adjust. I did see a few times (and that made me feel better too) that she would stop crying as soon as I left the room. Her infant room had an external window. So I’d leave and walk around and peep in from the window, usually she would be fine, sometime she would even have placed herself at the table and would be feeding herself (in the 3 minutes after I left the room)! I now have the reverse problem, if I pick her up early when they go to the daycare park and is playing, I have a hard time dragging her home :-)
When I decided to go with daycare, I thought social interaction would be good for her. In hindsight, I don’t think social interaction really mattered the first 12 or 18 months and think a nanny would have been good for the first year. It's only now (after my child was 18 months) I think daycare is a no-questions-asked winner. My only qualm with daycare was A fell sick very often. I only assume this would not have been the case had she been with a nanny or at a homecare. The first winter was the worst and the second has been exponentially better. There is really no right or wrong decision. Future mommies, feel free to ask if you have any questions and seasoned mommies, chip in with your thoughts on this issue!
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16 comments:
Great insight in to Child care and difference options for the same SJ.I agree that under the age of 3 kids don't need that much interaction but once they are 3 ,they cope better.
I have always been lucky enough to be a stay at home mom,so can't give you any help in child care dept..But of course working moms do need these advice.Thanks for sharing your experiences:)
Sorry about my long comments. The topics are so interesting, and right up my alley - just my 2 cents or is it one cent? I tend to over-rate myself:-)
I was one of those lucky moms who had parents come from India to help when my older kids was 0 to 2. I would assume most desi moms can fall back on that luxury...I was a full-time student doing my Masters. I needed help, but at one point when my MIL had to go back - (We did end up extending her visa and had her stay for 10 months - that worked out well) we did evaluate home-care, daycare and nanny.
The daycare at my Univ for grad students/faculty was excellent, but had a long waitlist. So we checked out a homecare, but it was scary in terms of certain issues - the woman had a boyfriend who visited her on and off in her house..You can't go doing a background check on everyone, right? There are those issues and tons of other safety issues with that particular homecare- lack of good ventilation, fire safety etc. etc....You really have to dig deep...
I would say,any day your kid is safe in a professionally run, reputed daycare than anywhere else if your kid needs childcare- of course with the downside of fighting sickness episodes - but at least you know the kid is safe. But then nanny can certainly be a good option for 0 to 2. Tons of references and background checks can help ease the fears of leaving your kid home alone with the nanny...There are a lot of my friends who have had excellent experiences keeping a full-time nanny - particularly for 0 to 2, it works just great! most of them might help you in household chores too...
I went through the same dilemma when my son was born, but was lucky enough that my parents and in-laws offered to help me.
I would agree that a well trusted day care is a great option. Although kids initially fall sick often, they get their immunity built after a while.
If you want a trusted nanny, I think good references is the key. I also received references to a couple of great nannies from the folks in the lactation centre in my hospital. Talking to folks that deal with kids day in and day out will be a good place to start exploring. One of my cousins that has a toddler has a desi nanny at home, but she also has her MIL supervising. This way she can work peacefully knowing that someone from the family is around just to make sure..
Nice article. I recently had a series of childcare articles on the Daily Tiffin too. You will find more here
(sorry pushed Publish too soon ;-)) It was a series of three articles:
- Making the choice
- What to look for
- Getting the family settled
Hope you all enjoy them!
Hey SJ
Excellent post !!! My comment was getting so long that I thought i would do a Follow-Up Post soon :)
If you guys want to do a post and highlight the daycare etc. in your area please do a post too, that would be great
Hi,
I am a mom of a 3 year old little girl and also a Masters student.it was a really big confusion abt who would take care of my daughter,after my mom left to india after helping me during the first semester.i dont have inlaws.the number of times these kids fall sick immediately after starting daycare is a real,nightmare.my daughter has febrile seizures and every time she gets sick,our world becomes miserable.i guess all career-oriented/working mothers in US must undergo this terrible phase.the only consolation is that kids outgrow these problems with age and after 5,they are supposed to become normal!
Rgds,
gayathre
Hi Gayathree,sorry to hear that about your child.It's true regular child care facilities do not keep the sick children.I have neighbor with Autistic child who goes to special child care.
It's good to know that your child will outgrow her seizure:)Meanwhile,hope you get a good child care who takes care of your girl.Take care of yourself too.
Hi ashaji,
thank u very much!ananya is a very smart,active kid but she gets seizures only when her temperatures rise above 102 deg.in another 10 minutes,she becomes normal.this is said to be more hereditary since i had it when i was a kid.annu is very talkative and cute and when she has the problem,we feel miserable because we are unable help her!
Good info into the childcare situation, SJ! Hindsight is 20/20, they say. I think you've given a very insightful view of the whole nanny/daycare/homecare situation many of us go through.
My friends have had nannies and though most experiences have been good, the not-so-good ones were bad enough to put me off. Knowing how often infants fall sick in daycare, I had to srike that off my list too. I have been lucky enough to find a nice Indian lady, who's a grandmother of 3 kids, to take care of my 8 month old. She cares for just one more kid, who's 3 years old. I was also lucky that I had help from my parents and then my in-laws for the first 7 months.
Thanks for sharing your expereince, SJ!
What u are said is absolutely right.Children will be adjusted if they have lot of children around them and they have lot of activities to do.At the daycare centers we,no need to worry about our children .
Now i am a house wife only..so my daughter is just going to the school (morning section only).For working moms this information is so helpful.thanks for sharing this.
A great write up SJ! I have a daughter almost the same age as yours and she goes to BrightHorizons too. Its an excellent daycare choice I would say, though its slightly expensive than others. My little one went to a gujju lady from 7months to 18months. She was nice and taking good care of my daughter....only problem I was noticing with that lady was, she herself would get cranky sometimes and unable to handle 2 kids (mine and the other kid was 12months old). This happened esp. after my daughter went back to her after my vacation last year in Dec. The other important point for me to decide on a daycare was - my kid was not picking words with this gujju lady, basically because she used to speak in Gujarathi with my kid and not in english.
I then made a decision to put my kid to a good daycare and chose BH, because there was this center opening just opp to our home and it was a boon to us:). Initial one month was rough for all 3 of us...she used to cry a lot and that made me think, if I took a right decision for her...but now I notice that she has slowly started to give a smile to her teacher in the morning...which is a huge stride and it does not make me guilty anymore leaving her there.
My 2 cents on this topic - I feel its important for kids to start with a good daycare at the right age...does not matter if mother is a stay-at-home mom or working. It really helps them grow with all the activites they make them do at the daycare centres. This is just my personal opinion.
This is an excellent topic. i am bit too late to the blog. I think i am those lucky mom's here. Choosing between chilcare and domestic helpers(maids) as caleed in singapore was always a question but we did prefer maids.
first point
1. Food problems at daycare was not flexible to what our kids would be used to
2. A homely environment where he/she has his own things to play hisown bed so on
3. A person dedicated to be there for him always
4. Child falls sick easily at day care this is one of the major problems
5. once you are back home no time to spend time with kids as you have all the work pending cooking =, laundry, cleaning homework for kids, feeding kids
i was lucky to have a good helper for 5 yrs for my daughter now she is 9. unlucky to say when my son was 9 months she left had to depend on another maid. Though i found one she is not as good as for the first one so i have one of our parents always with us until for few more months. The hasle of changing these maids is not as easy, to train them again and mainly for kids to adjust it takes time if your have kids younger than 3 yrs.
My daughter never went to daycare, as was not feasible it ws my MIL who would take 2 rounds to the childcare playground at the time kids from childcare would also come to play. This way she interacted well(she is a self starter by herself). She joined her preschool at 4 then early stage she had to pick up english and was quick enough so it basically how much exposure we give to the kids plays the main role.
i think the trick in putting your child in childcare (nanny, home daycare, or a childcare center) is realizing that they are really just a paycheck to the childcare providers.
any other assumption is naive.
parents like to think that their childcare provider loves their child, but this is not really the case unless that childcare provider is family. Do the childcare providers take good care of your child? Of course. Would they allow anything to harm your child unless it was over their dead body? Certainly not! But...do they think you are awesome? ...erm...no.
if you saw the conversation that goes on after you drop your child off at daycare, you may be surprised.
"That poor little girl. Her mother only spends a few hours with her a week."
"That poor little boy. He could be bleeding out his eyes and his mother would still bring him in to daycare."
"That poor child. His mother is an idiot."
"Wow. That mother is a flake. Thank God we are raising her child for her!"
"They make that much money and they can't be bothered to send in enough diapers?"
"Tylenol. That child was drugged with Tylenol. You can tell by the clammy hands and the glazed look in their eye. So much for the sick policy."
"Late again. Apparently their children are more important than mine, who are waiting for me to pick them up."
Just a little wake-up call for you all. And before you say, "my childcare provider is not like that!" listen: you are wrong.
On the bright side, this is a new generation. Nobody's parents are raising them.
Thank you for posting such a useful, impressive and a wicked article./Wow.. looking good!
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