I am a working working mom. I work at home and in the office...and I love it. I have been a driven person all my life and I've always wanted to be a career woman. My mom was one...and I've always looked up to her. I had one dream in life then, to get a great carrer and I had worked towards it from my 8th grade...yes 8th grade.
I graduated right around 9/11 .I was without a job after I graduated with a Master's in EE. That was my life goal crushed right there. I was without a job when I married R...and I was without a job for 2 years since I married. I know what it is to be at home and I don't like it fully. That's just me. That's my personality. But in this time when I was at home, I got to know that stay at home women work a lot too. So, I have tremendous respect for them.
I got a job a couple of years before Chintu was born and I loved the independence. The job was not in my field of passion but I loved going to work. When I was in labor I got an interview call for my dream job. I had a c-section, went to the interview in 3 weeks and began working from week 7. Yes, that's how passionate I am about this job. I did not have any regrets about leaving Chintu back, because I left him with my parents and I went home every 3 hours during the first 5 months he was born. He is 19 months old now, and by the grace of God, I have been able to have one set of grandparents always taking care of him and I have a very understanding Manager and team that accomodate flex time. And not to mention, a great husband that pitches in every little and big way he can!
My MIL is generally a great person, but she is a MIL once in a while :) I have been pulled down indirectly by her now and then accusing me of being less efficient as a mom by being a working mom , but I know in my gut that this is how I want it and Chintu will love me for all the time, efforts, energy , love that I give him . Instead of being put down by comments, I have learnt that anyone that has not been in my shoes cannot know how I feel.
The only people that I am answerable to are Chintu, R and myself.
I am a working mom because ( and these are only my thoughts):
- I have not compromised on my son's care taking
- I am passionate about something and I have been given the opportunity and I want pursue it
- I like the financial independence
- I can be a better role model for my son - he will know a woman can do everything and more
- I am an individual and this is me
The day I feel I am compromising on my son's upbringing, I will stop....because I am a mom first and everything else next.
So I feel that the very topic SHAM Vs Working mom is wrong. there is no 'Vs' , there is only ' know what you want - do it without regrets'. Don't let anybody judge you for doing what you want to. Everything a mother does needs a hell lot of efforts and support!
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12 comments:
really well put! every word in your post rang of clarity and confidence. I am happy to see what you have now works well for you and your family.
I absolutely agree!!There is no vs in anything!
We all make choices and we better support each other in whatever we do instead of pulling down each other for any reason!That would be silly.
Glad you got a job you worked for all your life.That is admirable.You have help to raise the son, so you don't have to struggle much like most single nuclear families.Enjoy.
Of course,when and if you feel like working full time at home(believe me,it's full time job if you don't have any other family members to help nearby!:D),you have that choice too! Aren't you lucky?:))
@kodi's mom - thanks...glad you feel that way :)
@asha - 'lucky' is relative. I have my struggles everyday...its only the overall picture that looks rosy. BUT I believe everybody can be 'lucky' if they know what they want and can live with adjusting their expectations at different stages in life. If I give up my job or lose it at some point..I will still be happy (we will be much less stronger financially), but I will have decreased my expectations fiancially and increased my expectations on my performance around the house. Its all relative and its all upto us and how we wnat to take it. As I always say...be happy...find out what makes you happy...or change your environment to make yourself happy..that is the key..it really is the only thing that matters..
Wow Dee you are so clear in your thoughts and that is very commendable
Also very true about the Vs, it is a choice whatever that may be.
All Moms work...be all end all
Dee thanks for starting off the post on the Theme, I was beginning to worry...
I can see you feel strongly about you being a working mom and are comfortable with the choice you made and that is very important. It is this clarity (and good for you) that is missing in people like me who have to wrestle with the choice everyday.
Let me clarify the Vs too a little bit. It is meant not to mean what Plantiff Vs Defendant would mean rather travelling by Plane Vs Travelling by Train, means to the same end.
Very well said Dee! Like you said it ultimately depends on what works best for the family as a whole and not only for the woman.
Kudos, you feel comfortable with your choices.
Dee, I'm so glad 'Amma goes to office' :) and so glad to read 'Amma goes to office'. :) very well written.
everybody can be 'lucky' if they know what they want and can live with adjusting their expectations at different stages in life.
This is what I wanted to tell a friend last month, when she was telling how lucky I am, in a totally different context.. But in any situation, It's the choice you make and stick to it in spite of any obstacles, and the adjustments that you make along the way - only these get you what you want, luck has nothing to do with it...
I didn't tell that because she had a much bigger problem to deal with at the time, than get 'enlightened!' by me.
@Sandeepa: thanks and ditto :)
@indosungod: very well put on the Vs. But is'nt it true that most of us are dealing with a conflict in our minds? that's what I meant to point out by sayng there is no 'Vs' , meaning...don't bother conflicting...if it really bothers our everyday that much then, we should make choices and find peace in it. Its good for the kids and the family and US!
@mnamma: exactly...once we have a baby we cannot be an island...we have a commitment and we better go by what is best for the family.
@poppins: :)
@kay : yes....totally agree. In most of the instances luck is only how we manage a situation to our advantage. There is not one single person out there who has it all. But winning a lottery...that is lucky ;)
Well said Dee! I agree with you that there is no VS...
"Don't let anybody judge you for doing what you want to."
Your closing comments are great. Know what you want and do it withour regrets. I am posting this in my blog. hope it is fine with you. See www.hr-flex.com/blog6. Thanks Regards
Vijay
Well said. I completely agree with your view.
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