Appreciation...

[This post is written by Tharini of Winkie's Way.]

When I read about the theme for August, I knew I wanted to pitch in with some of my own thoughts. And Sandeepa made my life sooo much easier, by asking me to share something which I had posted on my blog some weeks back. And here it is...

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I have never, for a moment, had any doubts about my personal choice to stay home to bring up my kids. It is a simple, deep and abiding conviction....not just in the benefits of staying home, but also knowing that I could never be as happy outside. I prefer being my own boss, having the full freedom to decision-make and mostly not having to race with the clock to get here and there. I've done a bit of all that and have felt imprisoned by the added responsibility.

And for that very same reason, I admire my husband exceedingly. To be able to wake up at the same time every morning, complete the 45 minute round of personal grooming, hurriedly downing a carefully prepared breakfast and rushing to catch the bus, which he would have otherwise missed by a few seconds; getting to work on time, programming dedicatedly in front of the screen, neck getting sore, eyes glazing over...eating a lukewarm boxed meal of a lunch, and getting back home tired; to be faced by an oft grumpy wife and having to meet the attention needs of his energetic 4 year old...spending a precious 1 hour with him and a few quick minutes cooing to the little one, before the more mundane task of their meal and bedtime takes over; wanting to completely unwind and rest during the weekends, but having to make up for lost time with his older son, for whom even those 48 hours is too little for how much he wants to be with his father. Its not easy!!! And I am not envious of him. Only he can do all of that as gracefully as he does.

I admire how he takes care of the bills and bank statement, and while I am the certified accountant of the house owing to 3 letters, he is the unwavering, responsible manager. And for the load that this takes off my mind, I am eternally grateful, for I would have been miserable if I had to handle life's everyday finances. I'd much rather have the roller coaster ride of raising children anyday!

For that reason, I am sure he appreciates me too. He may not always think so consciously about all that I do, being so wrapped up in all that he does, but I can speak for the goodness of his heart and say that if ever the thought crossed his mind, he'd know that he was grateful.

...Grateful for how I, the sleep lover, disconsolately wake up each morning, to cook a fresh breakfast, pack his lunches making sure that it has the daily quota of nuts and snacks, dropping him off to the train station every morning, with a sleeping child in tow; many a times feeding him breakfast en route, just so he doesn't miss the most important meal of the day because he had to spend 5 extra minutes ironing that 100% cotton shirt; getting back home only to start the rush rush rush process again...this time to get an immobile preschooler breakfasted and ready for school, 2 nearly impossible tasks in a quick 45 minutes.

I know that if he got right into it, he would be grateful for the meal challenges that I face everyday....a solid heart healthy one for him, an all out fattening one for the scrawny little guy , baby food for the baby; and if he had a peep into my head, he would be sucked dizzyingly into the maze of thoughts that precede each other at lightening speed, with my actions trying to keep up. Maintaining the kids' naptimes, what to give them for their next snack, answering a myriad questions and requests for TV, games, splashing in the tub and wetting the bathroom floor....overwatering the plants, performing impressive but heart-alarming jumpinbg stunts, pacifying a crying baby, feeding him, worrying about not giving him enough stimulation to help his brain forge those vital connections...reading a book to the neglected older one, feeling guilty for not engaging him more fitfully, voice raising in decibels every few minutes despite repeated resolutions to amend...talking to him about his day, with a view to invest in keeping the lines of communication open for the future rebellious years...trying, at least mentally, to get some music time in, where he can learn the instrument, so that the next time we speak to his grandparents, I can say that I've done something worthwhile...coaching him repeatedly to talk in his mother tongue...fretting about how he shall learn to pray without any real inclination for it...and so much more.

He does what he can do best, and I do, what at the end of a chaotic day still makes me happy. We could switch roles...sure we could...and learn to do them, but we would not be cut out for it. Instead, what would enhance this precious balance we have going on is appreciation. A little time to conjecture and to appreciate the unique things that we do...and to say in a few simple, yet powerful catalystic words...thank you...you are wonderful and I feel so supported by you. Say it and you will find your feet dancing in the clouds and love flowing out of your hands in every task that you undertake after that. Say it and you have a recipe for total contentment...that blissful state of equanimity within and without!